Reply to 61% of single women in America are not looking to get into a new relationship compared to 38% of men

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look ladies, it’s all fun and games to be the “cool aunt” when you are 28 and traveling the world. Everyone looks up to you and they want to be you. Then you turn 43 and you’re still single with no kids and your career has sort of peaked, as well as your looks.

You can’t be a “cool aunt” at 43[/quote]

Right, that’s the age when the cool aunts become the cool SMBC whose nieces and nephews free babysit and who is in a place in her career to have a full time
Nanny.[/quote]

It's not really a step up to be a SMBC. Nobody is envious of that person, doing it all alone, with a fatherless child. A nanny is not a replacement for a second parent.[/quote]

Nannie’s are often better.

Women can have and raise babies without men, you make it sound like it’s impossible.

[/quote]

Of course it's possible. Never heard of a single mom before? But it's not desirable, at all. And no, a nanny is not a parent replacement. You must have a nanny if you think that to make yourself feel better.[/quote]

It’s is desirable when it’s planned that way.

Not a replacement but better at providing support and not being a burden.

Most men are less helpful than a nanny/sister/grandmother.

Sadly, men are mostly missing or worse pouting about not getting more attention.

Remove him from the picture and life is much easier.[/quote]

Please. It may be planned but any parent can attest to not really knowing what they were getting into. Doing it all on your own with no other parent to share the joys with is hardly desirable. It can be lonely, selfish, and a slog. [/quote]

Most married women find raising kids with a man lonely, selfish and a slog.

they have one extra ungrateful child to care for and it pulls their attention from raising actual children. Men are contantly competing with their children for attention and it's like pulling teeth to get them to be a partner.... and those are the ones that are not working 24x7 to avoid home. [/quote]

I know very few men who fit that description. Do you live in this area? [/quote]

I agree. I'm GenX and my DH, as well as the other dads in our circle, are great dads. Perfect? no. But the moms aren't either. But they are involved and hands on and have been since birth.

This is anecdotal, i understand. But I'm not seeing what is described in the PP.[/quote]

I'm an old Millennial and my DH is young Gen X, and I bet if you knew us you'd describe my DH as "very involved and hands on" and a great dad. And he is, kind of. But there's a lot you don't see. I'd rather coparent with him than my dad, no question. But my dad set a very low bar.

I do think my DH does better than a lot of men. But is he pulling his weight as a parent as well or better than most moms I know? Not even close. He takes little initiative, has almost no capacity for planning, struggles a lot with the emotional side of parenting (being the calm, emotionally mature adult in the face of kids struggling to develop those skills), and often blatantly shirks parenting responsibilities (he's one of those dads who spends a mysteriously long time in the bathroom during key parenting hours in the evening, or will wander off and make a phone call right when the kids need something). I think he's gotten better in the last year or so because I sort of hit a wall last year with being the primary parent and he realized he needed to pick it up. I think he's also a bit better with older kids who are more emotionally mature (thanks to a lot of hard work from yours truly!) so he's less triggered by them.

But despite him being involved and hands on, and being a good dad when compared to other dads (especially from prior generations) the idea that we are doing the same amount is insane. He travels for work and I'm fine (as others have said, it almost feels like a vacation not to have to deal with him). Meanwhile I was offered a promotion last year that would have had me traveling for the first time since our oldest was born, and he *freaked out* when I told him about it. I wound up not taking it because it caused such a meltdown at home.

The standard for "great dad" is so, so different than the standard for "great mom" in 2024.[/quote]

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