Reply to Caught 13 YO DD drinking w/ friends, how to handle

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[quote=Anonymous]OP. I’m so sorry. This must be hard and I know you’re doing your best.  Also sorry for the trolls here judging you and being totally unhelpful. Ignore them. They’re the worst kind of lowlifes and their replies are not about you at all but themselves.

This is not totally unheard of at this age unfortunately. I do think a lot of it comes down to her peer group. Also her free time and other places to make friends.  Is she into sports?  Sports is a must in our house because it keeps them really busy and theoretically around kids who take their health seriously (though not always). If she’s not athletic, then other interest groups like arts, theater, community group, faith based group etc.

Of course no sleep overs for the foreseeable future.  No hangouts without a trusted adult (read: you or a parent you know well and trust) supervising. No phone. The rationale? It’s not random. Cause and effect. Since you have not proven to be responsible or trustworthy, you have lost the privilege as being treated as such. It will need to be earned back.

I’d ensure she is busy with productive scheduled activities to focus on and potentially make new friends too.

Evaluate peer group. Good kids that got into trouble? Bad eggs? Bad schools? Large school with pockets of different groups to try out?

Change schools if you must.

Trust and autonomy is earned. She’s broken that and it will take repair. Actions have natural consequences and she will be living these consequences for quite a while. She is still and always loved of course.

Schedule a set 1 hour per week just you and her. (Since I know you understandably spend a lot of time on your other DD) Go for a drive. Get Starbucks. Go to lunch. Make it a time she can count on.  Build the rapport.  It will take time, but it will get there.

Good luck OP & big hugs! You are not a bad parent. You are human. And you are carrying a lot. Also make sure to carve out a little time for yourself too. 
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