Reply to DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate these posts. I don’t want to sound like a “pick me” girl but unless your husband is abusive, very selfish, or possesses some major personality flaw, just have sex! I lost my libido while breastfeeding and I’m chronically tired from a toddler that doesn’t sleep still but I make sure I have sex 1x a week at minimum which is usually all I manage at this point. Men aren’t horny teens for wanting a basic human desire. So I’m sorry you are in a sexless marriage and you shouldn’t have to compromise on that point if you are a decent husband. Start marriage counseling and work towards adding it back into your routines (because that is what is becomes for a lot of women in middle age). [/quote]

Just wait. You too may hit a point where not only do you have zero libido, but sex shreds the tissue paper thin skin of your menopausal body into a bloody wounds, such that walking, sitting, urinating, showering and pretty much everything hurts for a week after, then what? Let him do that to you routinely? Where is the mutual love and respect in a marriage that would allow that abuse?[/quote]

This! I never thought intimacy would be so terribly painful, but at 60, that is how it is.

I thought I would pass out from the pain the last time.

And yes I have been to the doctor. And tried lube and drugs.

[/quote]
You’re doing it wrong. Sex is pleasurable, NOT painful. Stop doing things that hurt. Only do things that feel good. Change your definition of “sex” accordingly.

I cannot believe I actually have to give somebody such completely obvious advice.[/quote]

Ha. Did you go to history class? Women undergoing pain for a man’s pleasure or convenience is a practically a baseline expectation, so telling a woman not to do it isn’t obvious, it’s revolutionary. [/quote]

Don't be a martyr. You can both do a lot of things with tongues and mouths and hands. There's a big gap between, on the one hand, having to endure painful PiV because of the patriarchy and, on the other hand, living the rest of your life in celibacy because that particular sex act doesn't work for you anymore. [/quote]

So "servicing" a petulant man. And what is he doing for her?[/quote]

Going to the ballet, looking at furniture, going out on dates, throwing parties and spending time with her friends, talking about Real Housewives.

My parents and their friends are in their 60’s.  There is a lot that men do for women that they don’t want to do.  I hope these men are getting occasional blowjobs.
[/quote]
none of those things those men do for their women require their physical bodies.

If you think a woman should service a man without her being into it, then how is that any different than what a prostitute does?[/quote]

I don’t know.  Are we suddenly hating on sex workers now?

[/quote]
IDK, are we equating sex workers with wives? Seems like some men think so.[/quote]

Lots of women are both, and I guess there I some overlap.  I feel like this is like asking if we are equating moms with preschool teachers.  Maybe, in some ways, but obviously they are not the same thing.  Some of the day to day might be the same, but one is an occupation, and the other is a relationship.  What does this have to do with anything?

[/quote]
we got here because some men believe that women should still put out, let the men use their bodies for sex, even if the women aren't into it.

And a man who compares the above to a man going to a ballet because the wife likes it is someone who is using his little head to think rather than his big head.

PSA to men: most wives will want sex with you if they find you attractive, don't resent you, aren't stressed , and you are great in bed.[/quote]

That was me who compared a man going to the ballet when he doesn’t feel like it to a woman giving a blowjob or happy ending massage when she doesn’t feel like it.

I’m not a man.  I just think it’s ridiculous to put sex in some special category of activity within the context of a long term marriage.

[/quote]
so should a wife treat duty sex like cleaning the dishes?

PSA: sex is a special category.  Only prostitutes see it as a commodity.[/quote]

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