Reply to Discipline for excessive crying

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think “punish” is the right word but I would lean hard into the “ignore” and stay firm about it, even if she’s making herself vomit.

“Mommy cannot help you when you are so upset. You need to calm down.” Rinse and repeat. Maybe create a “calm down space” with stuffed animals but no human interaction where she can (needs) to go when she’s upset - essentially a time out for excessive crying.

And give lots of positive attention when she is calm. Crying = loses attention. Calm = gets attention. Model how to appropriately express emotions. Point isn’t she can’t express emotions - she just needs to do so in appropriate ways. [/quote]

+1
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OP here,  I think this is a great response. Any advice on how I can keep myself calm to listen to what will probably be hours and hours of crying in her time out space? She’s spent her whole life crying and it raises my blood pressure and makes me panic because my experience is it never ends, so I really struggle to stay neutral and calm. [/quote]

I think she picks up on that and panics herself. Focusing on your own emotional regulation could benefit you both - yoga, meditation, accepting feelings as they come and go, etc. I had a child like this and it really pushed my buttons, trying to focus on her accomplished little. When I built up my own regulation and tolerance and framed it as being a safe container for her to express her feelings, keeping her sense of attachment secure, it started to help. It is super hard but you both may be easily dysregulated. [/quote]

This. You may want to also say when you need a minute “mommy is going to step out of the room (if you are in her bedroom for instance) and take a few breaths so she can calm her body down”. I would recommend reading “Good Inside” and focusing on a chapter at the end of the book about kids who have big emotions (the author has some acronym to describe these kids but of course I forget it). As PP wrote, you want her to learn that all emotions are safe to express. You are human and showing her how you calm down can be instructive. I’m sorry, OP. I find crying very disregulating. If my kids are crying or yelling when I’m driving I sometimes try to explain it’s very distracting for me. Other times I ignore the behavior after trying to reason with them - and turn on music they like as a diversion. And sometimes if they are tired and I know the screaming or crying won’t get better (my kids really meltdown if they are tired) I just turn on NPR or a podcast so I can listen to something I like during the yelling. [/quote]

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