Reply to I’ve been rejected by a group of women and it’s hurts!

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[quote=Anonymous]I recently removed myself from a clique like this, and let me tell you, you’re better off. In my case, no one was outwardly mean. In fact I think there was extreme effort taken to appear kind and inclusive. But the cliqueyness and exclusionary behavior (and in some cases unspoken tension) was always there. It was just much more subtle. And it was worse because there was a mom clique and the corresponding kid clique which added a whole other complexity.

After several years “in,” it started to become too much for me. I was committing too much mental energy to it. Never felt like I knew who I could really trust. Never really felt like myself around them. I felt like I had a public persona. Over time, I started to feel uncomfortable with the things I saw and heard going on and, frankly, became disappointed in myself for the things I stood by and did nothing about because I lacked the courage to say anything.

I slowly started backing away. Replying less in the group chat. Coming to fewer gatherings. Made an effort to reach out independently and apologize to people I knew had been hurt. I owned that I played a part in making others feel excluded because I wanted to be included and worried about my kid being shunned. And now I’m completely out of it. I remain individual friends with a couple of the women but otherwise have almost no contact with the others. Which really just goes to show how real those friendships were in the first place.

They’re all still a close group. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it still hurts and I wonder what is wrong with me that I just can’t hack it. Why do none of them see anything wrong with any of it? Sometimes I worry what’s being said about me me, having witnessed what was said about others. I don’t think most of them are bad people. I like (almost) all of them as individuals. But there was something toxic in the group dynamic.

I will say I learned a lot about myself. I made mistakes and did things I regret. I know better  what I need from friendships and what I am capable of giving. I am someone who does better with fewer, very close friends than as a part of a group. I’m still feeling a bit too raw and jaded right now to put myself out there for new friends, so I’ve just been trying to focus on my family, myself, and the people I know are real friends.

Anyway. OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. But you don’t need this group. And I’m sorry for the long rant. I think I just needed to get that all out…[/quote]

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