Reply to Just accepting unequal division of labor

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you two sat down together each day and divided what needed to be done, would he be able to do it?

I'm the ADHD spouse and I make myself daily lists of what I need to do.  DH and I also sit down weekly to discuss the upcoming week and who is doing what when (dinner, taking DS to practice, etc).

My lists are pretty much the only way I'm able to function.  I put EVERYTHING on there, even just emptying the dishwasher. [/quote]

[b]I know it’s not fair to my spouse[/b], but I make it clear that I absolutely need them to TELL me what to do, and then I will do it.  It’s not fun for me either and I am trying my best.  [b]I hope my spouse doesn’t resent me![/b][/quote]

You…hope your spouse doesn’t resent you for knowingly treating them unfairly? That’s not ADHD that’s delusional.

There are about 100 ways you can manage executive function without expecting your spouse to do it for you. [/quote]

Yes I hope my spouse doesn’t resent me for not being as capable in as many ways as they are.  They certainly don’t seem to.  I put forth a good faith effort every day and do what I can, but I still struggle.  And I am trying all sorts of strategies to manage my mental health issues, but in the meantime my spouse actually tries to HELP ME. But, my spouse is not a petty scorekeeper like so many of the folks posting their complaints here.

I wonder if some of you would treat your kids this way.  Do you think there is some magic age where all mental health issues disappear, or are suddenly no longer issues that people struggle with or suffer from, but are instead now conscious choices to be lazy and worthless?  And do you know what’s ALSO exhausting?  Having a mental health issue!  Maybe try a little compassion?[/quote]

Do you see how silly the comparison is to a child?[/quote]

No.  I do not.  That’s because I am not aware of an age at which mental health disorders magically disappear.

I am simply saying that if you wouldn’t talk about your child with a mental health disorder this way you shouldn’t talk about your spouse with the exact same disorder this way.  [/quote]

You are responsible for your child’s health. Your spouse is responsible for your spouse’s health. It is gross and infantalizing to assume you should speak of an adult not managing their ADHD like they are a child.[/quote]

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