Reply to girlfriend on family vacation?

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "girlfriend on family vacation? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not one plane ticket. It’s food out and bigger Ubers and bigger accommodations and additional excursions costs……. Just like you women where don’t want to see your MIL all the time or have her include herself in your family events all the time, we want to spend time with our family/our kids without you as well especially if you are expecting me to pay for your full ride while pushing me out of my sons life. [/quote]

With that attitude, no doubt your son and his future partner will not want you in their life.  Loving parents want to see their kids with their spouses/partners/Significant others, especially on vacation.  Only reason a parent should expect to see just their kid (once a partner is involved) is if it's a guys event or a girls only event (ie: dad and son are going to a sporting event just the 2 of them).   But if it's both parents, then you invite the couple, not just your kid.

Keep that attitude up and you won't be seeing much of your grandkids either in the future. [/quote]

Wait, so if I am a 40yo female who routinely goes out to dinner with just my dad about every other month, is that wrong?[/quote]

Yeah I find it extremely hypocritical when women can have mother/daughter days with their mothers after marriage but if God forbid a mother asks to have dinner or lunch alone with her married son it's all OMG why is she shutting out her son's wife clearly she can't let go.

If mother and daughters can still have their individual relationships in tact after marriage why can't mothers and sons maintain their individual relationships??[/quote]

Has anyone anywhere suggested that they can’t? [/quote]

20:57
"With that attitude, no doubt your son and his future partner will not want you in their life. Loving parents want to see their kids with their spouses/partners/Significant others, especially on vacation. [b]Only reason a parent should expect to see just their kid (once a partner is involved) is if it's a guys event or a girls only event (ie: dad and son are going to a sporting event just the 2 of them).[/b] But if it's both parents, then you invite the couple, not just your kid."
[/quote]

So it's ok for each parent to have their spouse but their child is expected to include their spouse. Don't tell me what it's all their parents. Because you could say well it's also your DIL/SIL plus your child's spouse.

Now if it's just one parent and child regardless of gender totally different story[/quote]

I'm the PP from the post directly above. I also wanted to add if both parents and my spouse go to me that's not a one on one anymore that dynamic changes from a one on one catch up with an individual parent to a family dinner to which the spouse (who is a part of that family) is the only one being left out.[/quote]

Every year or so I have dinner with just my parents and my sibling.  Our spouses do not come.  It is lovely.

We also have whole extended family events, one-on-one events, and every combination in between.  My DH will even go out for a drink with my SIL on occasion.  I'm sure it is a great opportunity for them to commiserate about some of the idiosyncrasies of my family of origin!

It works for us.[/quote]

Once a year is very different than "weekly lunches/dinners".

Everyone has to do what works for them.

But having weekly FRi/Sat night dinner with your parents and siblings without spouses/SO would be a bit much for me simply because it's taking away valuable family time/US time.  
 [/quote]

PP you are responding to.  I'm not sure where you are getting the quote about weekly lunches or dinners.  The posters in the chain I was responding to first suggested that it is not OK to ever meet up with an adult child without the spouse unless it was "girls or boys trip" and then that a family dinner with the "original family" was wrong.  It isn't.[/quote]

See but a dinner with just a part and child to me is much different than a dinner with the whole immediate family where your spouse isn't welcome. Like it or not the spouse is also a part of that family. It becomes that way after marriage. The way your family unit looks after your children grow up is going to look different as it should your child is leaving the best and forming their own family. The family is expanding and you should focus on that and welcome that not wish things were the way they used to be.

What about when your kid has kids are you gonna tell your kid to leave their wife and kids at home to have dinner with just their family of origin while simultaneously disrespecting the fact that you are asking your child to leave their immediate family behind.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics