Reply to Mean girls mean moms

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Mean girls mean moms "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mean is subjective.  What exactly are the girls and moms doing you find to be so mean, OP? [/quote]

- Excluding other girls
- Making fun of other girls or boys (verbally or in notes/pictures that are passed around the classroom)
- Telling kids not to play with or be friends with certain girls or boys.

It feels weird to be an adult referring to a 9 year old as a “mean girl.”  I don’t think they are bad kids.  They are just navigating the culture of the classroom in a way that works best for them.  
I don’t think the moms are bad people either.  They don’t deliberately set out to hurt people.  They just see the world in terms of these social hierarchies and are trying to come out on top.

[/quote]

Find me the kids and adults including everyone, never making fun of anyone, playing with everyone, and I’ll find you people who are only being nice on the surface (called out as mean by someone earlier on this thread) or a doormat who doesn’t walk away when hurt by someone else being mean.

Find me the kid telling everyone to play with everyone, and I’ll show you a girl who’s unable to empathize with very normal kids, dismissing of their feelings, and/or being judgmental.[/quote]

I don’t know how to explain it to you, but your worldview is a self fulfilling prophecy.  You are unconsciously causing this to happen.

Your expectation is that everyone is gossiping and forming cliques.  You don’t want to end up being gossiped about or find yourself out of the group, so you find ways to put yourself on top by gossiping and forming cliques yourself.  You feel like being a mom of an elementary schooler is like being on Survivor because you are making it that way.

Probably that’s what you saw your mom doing when you were growing up.  She probably gossiped to you about other girls or other families, and you just think that’s what people do.

But whenever you aren’t there, there are groups of people who just aren’t like this.  They don’t gossip and are open minded about being friends with anyone.  I would say that most adults are like this.  People talk about books and movies and kids and money and religion.

Most people really aren’t jealous of other adults or waiting for them to make a misstep so they can gossip about it.

[/quote]

No, I don’t expect everyone to gossip or form cliques. I also don’t expect everyone to always get along. Not everyone will be friends or play with everyone. Not everyone who does something mean is mean all the time. No one is genuinely friends with everyone[/quote]

DP and I think the problem is that while I agree with you on the point that not everyone gets along or will be friends, I (and others) think it's possible to accept that without accepting relational aggression.

Teach kids to understand that just because a person is not their friend doesn't mean they are an enemy. You don't have to invite everyone to your birthday party, but you don't have to run around school telling all the girls you didn't invite that you don't like them. You can come up with stuff to talk about that doesn't involve idle gossip about the kids who aren't in your group, especially if it involves spreading unkind (and often untrue) rumors about them. And so on.

Whenever these threads pop up, there are always people who come on and say "ugh, not everyone has to be friends, get over it" and it's so telling to me because when people complain about relational aggression, they aren't saying "please force your child to be friends with my child." They are saying "please teach your child tact and discretion so that my child is not ostracized just because she's not friend with your child."

If you don't understand these distinctions, it's possible these are skills you also need to develop.[/quote]

They are also saying my girl wants nothing to do with your girl. Just get your girl out of my girl’s face.

[/quote]

Oh, please. Your kid is SO MUCH LESS SPECIAL than you think they are.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics