Reply to Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stayed home on a lower salary for DH than yours OP. Zero regrets. Out family life is so much more sane, our kids eat healthy home cooked meals, are read to every day, and we have a very strong bond. I don’t worry about going back to work because there will always be some type of a job for an intelligent, educated person who has the desire to work, albeit at a lower salary I am sure. So far I have not needed to go back.

[b]No one wishes they had worked more or made more on their death bed. No one.[/b] [/quote]

People always say this, but there are people who are proud of their lifetime accomplishments. Imagine a teacher or doctor - I'm sure they are proud of helping people throughout their career. They probably don't care too much about the money, though. [/quote]

I agree.  Work isn't just about money and work doesn't preclude you having meaningful relationships with your children--and in some ways enhancing your relationship with your kids--especially as they get older.  If you don't work a job outside the home, you're not going to regret the achievements you didn't have because you can't really picture them.  If you do work outside the home, you're not going to say you regret not working more because you chose the balance you had.  I think that "deathbed study" of regrets was really from one particular time period, and the catchphrase that everyone repeats about no one regretting not working more, is connected to men who used work to avoid their families, had their identities totally wrapped up in work and then lost that when they retired and never built much else after that.  It's a warning to not become too narrow.  I think it could equally serve as a warning to a SAHP whose identity was totally wrapped up around their children and then struggle to find much else they deeply value when the kids leave their nest.  This is especially true if the kids don't have children themselves or move far away and their family role narrows considerably.

I have noticed in both my parents as they age (they are both nearing 80) how much their work histories give meaning to their lives---when my kids were younger, they used to recall the family experiences they had when we were children.  But now that the grandchildren are older, they tend to reminisce about their own childhoods and their adult working lives and their experiences with our grandkids.  My mom was a SAHP for most of our childhoods, but she seems more connected to her work life as a teacher before and afterward and her current volunteer work in terms of her current identity than staying home with us.  We live far away from them and come back to our family home for just holidays so you might think there would be a lot of reminiscing about our childhoods etc. but they seem very much more tied to what they are doing now.  So it's not about 'working more' but rather 'doing meaningful work' and evolving over your lifespan regardless of whether you are a parent who also works outside the home or one who does not for the years when your children are young.
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Yes I agree. Work that has an impact on the world can be hugely satisfying, and I don't know people who regret spending that time on work. [/quote]

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