Reply to If you had an affair with a married person

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had an ex husband who cheated on me. He was mentally unwell, bipolar and we did not have sex for 5 years. He was either depressed or manic, and it was not attractive at all, not to mention crazy.  I was trying my best to look after our baby/young daughter during those years. Same situation as the above poster.

After being separated for two years, i finally went online and met someone that pursued me. He was much younger, and I made fun of him for being a beefcake. His pic was of his six pack and it was so cheesy. I never wanted to meet up with him.

We became fast friends, and had so much in common. I trusted him enough to treat me well after not being sexual in a long time. Our one night stand lasted five years. He was married even though I met him online, thinking he was single. I don’t regret it. He is a kindred soul.[/quote]

Gahh the rationalizing… kindred souls???  Girl.  You learned all the wrong lessons from your bad experience.  How sad.[/quote]

Says someone who has never been in the same situation. He was kind, caring, and he brought my mojo back. He wanted intimacy and affection, which was missing in his marriage. And he was so f@cling hot. The last thing I wanted was a relationship.

For you married folks, there are a lot of married people online. And FYI, I never put in my profile: looking for a married person. [/quote]

Actually, I HAVE been in almost the exact same situation and I did not fool myself into thinking that any of it was “real.”  Was his “kindness” real?  Maybe, but probably he was trying to be as appealing as possible.  Was his marriage bad?  Maybe, but I’ll never know.  My feelings for this person, which are real, don’t justify the harm we did to his wife, which is also real, even  if she doesn’t know.  We took away this person’s agency in her most important relationship.  None of this kindred soul nonsense.  Get some therapy.[/quote]

I am fine thanks. I never cheating on a partner nor my ex husband. And his wife is not a nice person. She is actually abusive. How many many report wife abuse, even if it involves their children?[/quote]

OooOoo so his wife was abusive… then why didn’t he leave her and end up with you, his kindred soul?!  You know you don’t have to report someone to the police to divorce them, right?  The mental gymnastics… Cheating IS abuse and two wrongs don’t make a right.  Also this may be news but even people who are less than perfect or “not nice” should be able to rely on their spouses being faithful.  If the marriage has broken down, get divorced first.

Girl you are definitely not fine, thanks.[/quote]

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