Reply to Why don’t more parents understand that adult kids have leverage nowadays to cut off contact, and

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it was just easier for adults to maintain amicable relationships with their parents back when life expectancy was 45 or even 60.  If that were the case now, I easily could have tolerated low to mid grade emotional abuse from my mother until I was 18-33 years old (she would have been 45-60).  My mother's doctor thinks she could live past 100.  I'm about to turn 50.  No way am I tolerating repeating cycles of emotional abuse from her for another 25 to 30 years.  I'm exhausted.

I really think adult child-parent estrangement needs to be destigmatized.  It is inhumane to expect adult children to continue to invest themselves in an abusive relationship with a parent who will never change and may live to be very elderly.  We don't blame people for exiting abusive marriages---why on earth are we guilting, pressuring and shaming adult children into staying with abusive parents who engage in the same abusive cycle?
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The problem is, there are two sides to every story, and it’s so hard to know where truth lies. Is one of the posters complaining about mom actually the same entitled brat who demands her parents pay for oos or gets outraged when asked to change the sheets after a long stay? Or are the parents actually abusive? Who’s at fault, has anybody worked to solve things, worked on themselves, or is it hopeless? We don’t know. [/quote]

I haven't read this whole thread, but I don't get the outrage over the sheets. While I was a young mom, my parents never ever visited us, but the guilt to stay with them was strong. We would drive the short three hours 8-10 times per year and stay the weekend. I loved my parents, but it was kind of a pain. In return for the work it took to lug three kids up many times per year, my mother was sure to say, please please don't worry about the beds (I would at least strip the beds for her anyway) and never acted like we needed to do more than pack up our own stuff. Honestly, any mother who would guilt her kid with young kids about that is the one with the problem. [/quote]

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