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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]that they need to be REALLY careful in their interactions with their late teens & early 20s kids? Seriously. [/quote]

And don't  forget older  ACs. Do you mean as soon as there is something that the AC perceives is wrong,  or takes the wrong way while not intended that way, or hears a comment/opinion they don't like, (such as:  "Apparently RSV seems pretty virulent  now, we weren't able to see Larla's baby last week and won't see her till March maybe" and AC perceives that as criticizing their own parenting socializing pattern) or their spouse  does the same ("I don't like the way your Mom ate everything at the buffet except MY goat cheese dates. I got her message loud and clear."), while their friends are not up for review for anything it apoears- so you mean that parents should WATCH THEIR STEP? That?  Yeah. For those in their younger 20s, it's probably about expectations of financial help they expected  and didn't get.
Well, probably they've learned the hard way this is a landmine game of surreal proportions with rules that keep changing without notice. Losing this game means losing one's whole family, access to grandkids, issues with sinlings in the family, love, everything. But some have also decided to set boundaries in reverse  because their own mental health might be worth it. Speaking for several friends, it is devastating. [/quote]

Let me preface this by saying that I'm on good terms with my adult (mid-20s) kids.

But I'm not really surprised by this. There's been a cultural wave of blaming less-than-perfect parents for unsatisfactory outcomes. Of course, let's face it, we're all less-than-perfect human beings--humans just aren't perfect--and I'm sure many of us have made mistakes. But few parents are as awful as this forum suggests, and just how far this wave has gone is underscored by OP's "problems" (parents won't pay for oos, won't buy her a Manhattan condo).

I wonder about the causes. Is this generation unused to failure and looking for people to blame besides themselves? Is it entitlement, pure and simple, that causes ACs to demand perfection in their parents? Is there some other cultural shift I'm missing? I'm truly curious.[/quote]

I think there absolutely is a cultural wave of blaming less-than-perfect parents.  Everyone today is going to therapy, focusing on how their parents screwed them up.  And, young adults today can be pretty entitled.  I see threads about how they think of their parents' money as their own, they throw tantrums when the grandparents won't watch the grandchildren, etc.  I think us older folks were raised that your parents don't owe you anything past 18.  So this applies to some of the situations presented here.

But, there's other stuff going on too.  This generation is recognizing that they don't need to put up with abusive, harmful, hurtful behavior just because the person is their mom or dad.  There are nasty parents out there who only bring their adult children sadness, stress, and hurt.  Like, these parents have NO redeeming qualities. If it were anyone else, people would say "dump them and don't look back."  The whole "Because she's your mom / dad, you have honor them and put up with it" rationale isn't enough.  If you are a bad person, your kids very well disengage and live their own lives without you. [/quote]

This is a good take. I agree there are many types situations, with a lot in between.
- The people in therapy who have been encouraged to blame everything on everybody but themselves.
- The young adults who think their parents' money and time belongs to them. I remember a thread last winter where OP was outraged that her parents asked her to change the sheets after she as she and her three kids were leaving after a multiple-day stay. 
- The narcissists, both parents and young adults.
- The truly awful parents and, you're right, they shouldn't be tolerated.

The problem is telling who's who on DCUM. It's rare that you get someone as obvious as the AC who thought her parents were abusive because they wouldn't pay for oos. But she's probably one of the people hijacking this thread to trash their mom, too, and we don't realize it's the same person.[/quote]

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