Reply to Millennial men pitched themselves as equal partners. What happened?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a very privileged conversation. If this is the kind of thing that families with top flight professionals with HHI of $300k+ are going through, what the hell are the nannies, housekeepers, and contractors who work for these people experiencing in their own roles as mothers, fathers, and spouses?  [/quote]

They are doing shift work, don’t have young kids or are married to someone who does shift work. [/quote]

This.  They also don’t tend to move away from their entire support network.[/quote]

Yup. They also don’t claim they had “no choice” but to move away from their extended family (somehow the fact that they CHOSE their major in college that would require living in certain areas never crosses their minds) and they don’t have the luxury of 90% of them claiming they have Narcissistic Moms Who Couldn’t Be Around My Children Anyway (there is absolutely zero chance that the amount of people who claim this here can statistically be true).

And no, before you bother, I’m the furthest thing from a narcissist and my children aren’t adults. And please don’t bother being predictable and coming back with sOuNdS LiKe wHaT a NaRcIsSiSt wOuLd sAy” because you’re terminally dim.[/quote]

I have no idea what you are talking about.  Most housekeepers and contractors did not go to college, and if they did, they didn’t major in anything that led them to these jobs.  
I haven’t found that the percentage of people who claim to have a Narcissistic Parent Who Can’t Be Around My Children Anyway varies with income level or profession.  [/quote]

They are talking about upper-class moms who *could* benefit from help from grandma, but micromanage/limit contact with grandparents because of personal grudges/personality differences.

I totally get PP's point. My mom is annoying as hell and parented completely differently than I parent, but she's a safe, warm, loving caregiver who will do overnights and I don't have to pay her $20+ an hour. I keep my mouth shut about her personality quirks![/quote]

Who is turning down free care from grandparents, though? Both my parents and my in laws have very limited interest or ability to watch my kids solo, and it often winds up costing us more than it saves, but we still do it to facilitate them having a relationship. [/quote]

Yeah, I don't think this is a big segment of the population. Also everyone assumes if you just didn't move out of your hometown you'd get free grandparent care...no. What if there are multiple siblings and your kids are not first in line? What if the grandparents work until their age and health issues are too severe to watch little kids? What if the grandparents themselves are sandwiched (in my case, by care for THEIR 90+ year old parents and a special needs adult child)? It's just such an idyllic view of the life we could have if millennial  women weren't so ambitious, but for some of us it would never have happened.

Whew. Anyway, my husband IS an equal partner, but we still need paid childcare, and it's not because I don't adore my mom to the end of the earth. [/quote]

Yep.

My parents already did the free babysitting thing when I was a teenager—nearly full-time for 8 years in their 50s & 60s, starting when my sister had a baby when she was only 21. Now they are finally true empty nesters & about to fully retire. They deserve to enjoy themselves at last. [/quote]

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