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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.   I now realize that I need to have some difficult conversations with DH about plans for his brother.  The fact that we are making a major financial decision of purchasing a new home, that his mother is unequivocally old, and that his brother is undeniably serious ill is bringing this all to a head.

I should have mentioned earlier that we have substantial savings that we have accumulated over the course of our marriage through our salaries.  It is of course easier to save a lot when we have received the kind of support from my parents that we have.  DH also refuses to use any of our savings for a new house.  He says it's an "emergency fund."  I'm thinking more about this and I think he's full of it--we would only need that kind of money if both of us were out of work for years and the house completely fell apart.  That seems unlikely.  I think he just likes the idea of saving large amounts of money which he plans to spend on his brother.  We can actually afford the kind of house I would like.  He just doesn't want to dip into savings or cut our savings rate.  So he's basically telling me, if you want a house with a yard big enough for a swing set and sandbox and a rec room  for the kids to hang out in, your parents are going to have to pay for it.  This hurts and I don't think is sustainable for the marriage.[/quote]

Unnecessarily excessive crap
To make sure your kids turn out as rotten and spoiled as you . Could have a normal
House without wasting all the money and without seeming like a test. I legit would just divorce you [/quote]

A sandbox and swingset and rec room is pretty standard. What planet are you on? 
Your bigger problem is that your DH seems to think he controls your JOINT finances and that is a HUUUUUGE red flag. You need to talk to your DH about compromise about your money. Or start making an exit plan. For me, that is controlling and manipulative and would not fly.[/quote]

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