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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's not going to stop.
You don't want to get divorced.
Let that man continue to cheat in peace.
You get regular STI/ STD testing starting now[/quote]

Ridiculous post, but I think "peace" is the right framework.  Overtime, OP, I hope you are able to determine what solution will bring you the most peace.  For me, it would be gathering information, attending to therapy, gaining financial control, especially of the large payout you expect in the near-term, and then filing for divorce in the least emotional way possible.  I personally would have no peace in a marriage with a liar. [/quote]

It's not ridiculous.
Her husband will not stop cheating.
He might put on a good act of changing but he won't.
She also doesn't want to divorce so she may as well use her knowledge to make sure she doesn't have any STDs[/quote]

This post makes me think divorce is in her future:

[quote=Anonymous] OP here. Thanks to everyone who has provided support and advice. I don't ever remember feeling this much pain my life except when someone I know has died young. And in a way, this is a death as well.

I got the full panel of STD tests this morning. I have retained a divorce lawyer for a consultation next week. I have also retained a private investigator who is beginning surveillance immediately.

At least that will give me some information before I make any decisions.

I cannot eat and I just want to sob but I am trying to act normal.

As I have been surreptitiously doing all these things this morning (which feels gross, as now *I* am telling lies about where I'm going and whom I'm calling), he has been very loving toward me and the kids, as usual. Made them waffles because there was the school delay. Put away a bunch of laundry. Told me how much he appreciates all the love and support I've provided him lately during a stressful period in his career. Making plans for the holidays.

I feel like I am talking to an alien. I have no idea who this person is.

I think I am actually OK if he has sexual needs I cannot fulfill. I could perhaps come to a place of understanding on that. What is not OK is lying to me all the time, giving me an STD, and possibly impregnating or falling in love with someone else.

In reflecting on everything, I have also considered that he is getting a giant payout from his business in early January and I am thinking I am not going to do anything at all until that hits our joint bank account, which by the way I control. God forbid I confront him and he redirects that money to some other account. I worked hard for that money too and contributed a lot to his ability to earn it. I feel like I have no idea who I am even dealing with now.[/quote]

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