Reply to is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?

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Reply to "is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm more on your side than not OP, given the pieces of attitude from him and that you felt manipulated into doing this party.

At the same time, for the sake of your sanity and marriage, I have to ask: does he have any idea you're pissed off at him? How much of your building anger is the effect of being at BEC stage with him, and not just the specific action or thing he says? After this party is over, is there any way you can broach this subject in the "when you say this, I feel this, and this made me feel x y z" format to him?

There are definitely ways to highlight his behavior - entitled, out of touch, mildly critical comments that aren't intended as such but sting all the more for being unintentional. (A more mundane example from my life - he's grilling for his family and I'm setting table and making the sides, and he complains they're not ready at the same time. Note that I do 95% of cooking and kitchen cleaning always. I was very proud of myself when I laughed that one off, like "well perhaps next time you show me how to do it better by doing it all by yourself," but with a  laugh and not in a fighting tone - and he apologized and generally does if I point out things like that in a calm or upbeat way, and does less of them.)

I think if he's fundamentally a decent guy, just a touch spoiled by your making life easy for him and absorbing his troubles, you can put him back on the right track by setting the resentment  aside and pointing out how these comments come across, but somehow tactfully without it being a fight, without signaling hurt or attacking.

On getting him to actually help you in spite of his idiotic pronouncements before. Find reasons why you can't and need his help even in small things, throughout the party and in life in general. "Hey, I have to go to the bathroom really badly, can you watch the kids for a few min?", Even basic things like that; "hey, I'm helping guest A, I promised I would. Can you talk to Vendor B briefly until I come back?" That sort of thing. And ignore the annoyance, because the causes are external to you, and can't be argued with.

Good luck with your party! I hope you both get to enjoy it, see old friends, and he says thank you for everything after it's all said and done. [/quote]

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