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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I ended up marrying and having children with someone who in the beginning of our relationship said wanted children but in every other action and behavior following that, was actively trying to avoid it. I was ready to leave after 5 yrs and no commitment in sight and that is when he changed his tune and agreed to marriage. And then another delay with starting a family, he refused while I was pushing but when I finally was ready to give up on the idea of a family, he changed his tune again.  There were plenty of red flags I could have heeded but I did not.

I love my children but they have the same negative traits as my husband and it makes it so challenging and at times depressing. I didn’t think about how those negative traits would show up in my children. Also, my husband is a decent husband and father, but in general, he is for sure the secondary parent and is often completely checked out with our family. He doesn’t remember things like his children’s birthdays and what school they attend. So that is the result of my less than stellar decision making to starting a family with someone who never wanted a family to begin with and only pretended to so that I would stay.

Life lesson. I am making the best of it any way I can but I often wonder how things might be different if I had listened to what my gut was telling me the first day I met him. [/quote]

Back to add- I was 29 when I met him. My advice to women of this age who eventually want children is to have a very clear timeline about how long to date someone before they show clear signs of marriage material and commitment. I would say 15 months tops, and I’d be clear about that with your partner. [/quote]

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