Reply to Women expecting other women to be in charge of all holidays/logistics/family dynamics

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Indeed! I love my SILs and realized reading this that I use the excuse of reaching out to them about logistics because I want to chatter about other stuff and catch up, but will consciously make it a point to reach out to them to catch up only, and ask my brothers about logistics etc.[/quote]

That is awesome. I’m sure they will appreciate that. I would love it if my ILs reached out to me for something other than (what boils down to) emotional labor: gift ideas, what size are the kids, what dates can we come visit (plan our visit), can you bring pecan pie and roasted vegetables and wine…

Literally the only thing they ever contact me about that isn’t family dynamics/emotional labor is a “Happy Birthday” text, which is a nice thing to do. But I would love it if my SIL showed any interest in me as a person. [/quote]

“Emotional labor”. So that’s what we are calling family relationships these days? How miserable. [/quote]

Your reading comprehension is terrible. Try again.[/quote]

I read perfectly right. You feminists don’t like to be called out for your emotional coldness and unavailablity. Since when is knowing your child”s sizes of gift ideas emotional labor? When your a feminist trying to be a mother apparently. [/quote]

I am “emotionally warm” to my husband’s family every time I see them by asking them how they are and about their interests, showing them empathy when they are sad and celebrating with them when they are happy, playing with the kids, etc. I am not “emotionally cold” just because I don’t remind DH that his sister’s birthday is coming up. He and his sister don’t send each other cards or birthday gifts; they call each other. Why would I “override” however my husband chooses to interact with his family? He has their phone numbers and knows important dates. My role is not to decide that he needs to send flowers or whatever; if they choose not to exchange holiday gifts among the adults, who am I to decide they should?

Any parent who doesn’t know their child’s current size of shoes or clothing is pretty clueless. And if they don’t simply walk to the bedroom to glance at the tags to check when asked, they’re pretty lazy. [/quote]

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