Reply to Why do young people have kids they can't afford?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Why do young people have kids they can't afford?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having children earlier, in my mid 20s, would have been the only time I might have been able to successfully have children. Unfortunately I wasn't married or dating anyone that was marriage material. Started trying after marriage at 30 and gave up at 40. No kids. [/quote]

I had my first at age 30 and I was the first amongst my friends. Having children in your 30s is the norm in professional circles. I had my first child at 30 and my third child at 38. Almost all my friends had their first kid in their early-mid thirties and a second/third mid-late 30s.[/quote]

I I had my first at 28 and 3rd at 32 but I live in Denver. I was on the younger side but there are plenty of professionals around my age with young kids. My friends on the coasts have recently gotten married and have started planning for kids now at 34. I think high cost of living in major cities like NY or SF really impacts at what age people are able to afford kids. [/quote]

Pp here. I’m from NYC and now live in DMV. Both NYC and DC seem to have moms giving birth in their 30s or at least in our circles. Most of our friends have careers that require a graduate degree. I guess you could have a baby as soon as you graduate but most women work for a few years.[/quote]

That’s what I did, I just have a masters degree so I had my first a couple years post grad school.

Personally, I think if you are financially stable and in a ready for kids you can be a great parent at 26 or 36[/quote]

I think some people like to pretend it is impossible to be well educated, financially stable and ready for children in your 20s. This isn’t true and it’s not necessary to spend 10-15 years in the workforce prior to having kids. You can definitely choose that path if it’s what you prefer but you can have a graduate degree, a good job, and a spouse at 26. And I say this as someone who had my first at 31.

I’m surprised at people comparing pregnancies in mid-late 20d to teen pregnancies. Stable people having children at 26 is in no way comparable to teens having children they can’t afford. [/quote]

I have never understood the accusation leveled against women that they are "waiting" to have kids when they don't have them in their 20s. I wasn't waiting on kids, I was waiting on a suitable partner to have them with. Most women find that men in their 20s are not ready for marriage or kids. Some women marry these men and have kids anyway, and it goes poorly. Other women hold out for more mature men, and then have kids when they find them. That might mean dating someone until they mature or simply waiting until you find a man in his 30s who is capable of a committed relationship and fatherhood.

If you are a woman who found one of these unicorn men who were ready for marriage and kids in their mid-20s, congratulations but it's not a reason to criticize other women or claim they "waited" to have kids. They waited for husbands to have kids with. That's it. Some women never even find those husbands (a good man is hard to find, just as Flannery O'Connor) and instead have kids on their own in their late 30s while they still can. The idea that these women just put off having kids or forgot about fertility is absurd. These women knew all along they wanted kids and knew there would come a day when having them was no longer feasible, but had somewhat limited control over their family planning because the men they were meeting were not on the same page.

This happens constantly. I know very, very few women who actually waited on purpose, despite having a partner who was ready for kids. It happens but is very rare and usually involves a woman who is ambivalent about having kids at all. It's not the norm.[/quote]

DP, but I don’t think the pp ever accused women having kids in their thirties of “waiting” to do so? I think many people have been saying that anywhere from 25-40 seems like a normal age to have kids. There is one insane poster who keeps comparing having kids in one’s twenties to teenage pregnancy.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics