Reply to Friend asked to join book club

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Reply to "Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]SO weird she asked to come! Bold and rude.[/quote]

[quote]Aren't we always saying "ask to join" to people who want to make friends?  No she wasn't rude for asking.[/quote]

NP. I don't think she was rude for asking per se, but I certainly think there are better and worse ways of asking, and some are more rude than others. You don't put someone else on the spot like this -- not if you are thoughtful and care about them. It's polite to leave a clear "out" open.

I can't imagine NOT leading in with something like, "Is your book club even open to new people joining? If they are ..." etc. I mean, of course. If it were just a bald "Hey! Can I come, too?" then there is something rude about that. [/quote]

It's also rude to talk about groups that another person wouldn't be permitted to join.[/quote]

Sure. And neither mitigated the rudeness of the other.

[/quote]

No it does not. OP created this problem by talking about a group activity to her "close friend" that she doesn't want her friend to join.  And now she's acting high school mean-girl because she wants to keep her friends to herself.   She lacks basic social skills.[/quote]

This can't be a real opinion of a rea[b]d[/b] adult in the real world. You want too much of people -- and others have a right to make decisions for themselves about how much or little they allow you into their lives. If you french kiss [b]you're[/b] considered friends, but if you put up some boundaries you're only "friends"? I thought it was the other way around.[/quote]
I
You could use some education on basic manners and literacy.[/quote]

LOL cut paste repeat, eh PP? Basic manners says barging in is rude. Being invited in is fine. See the difference?[/quote]

Exactly, she should never ask to come to next meeting. That is [b]incredibly rude[/b]. [/quote]

Asking is not incredibly rude.  Just showing up is.[/quote]

If you have a "close friend", why is it rude to express interest in doing things together.   Presumably you would want to have her there if you really liked her enough...[/quote]

Why do so many posters see this as a litmus test for how much OP likes her new friend, or if she has a right to call her a friend at all? It's one thing -- abook club where the new friend wouldn't be welcome and wouldn't fit it. I'm sure there's more to OP's life than this -- more that she's probably already been sharing with her new friend, and more to come.[/quote]

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