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[quote=Anonymous]https://answers.childrenshospital.org/parent-mental-illness

"“The presence of a loving, stable adult in a child’s life helps build resilience,” says Dr. Ibeziako. In a two-parent household, the other parent can provide comfort, stability, and support. The other adult could also be a relative, trusted friend, sports coach, teacher, or therapist. Having appropriate social supports within the family or community can help children of parents with mental illness learn skills to overcome adversity. The positive impact can last a lifetime."

Your BIL is marginally functional himself at present. The extended family should help your young relative in any way possible. He needs help for his physical health and also sounds possibly depressed. Since he has allowed this situation to develop and continue, him changing/not should also not be a gatekeeper to you, DH and other caring family members becoming a stabilizing presence in your teen niece's life. He has failed her, you can do better. Invite her to visit on a regular basis. It could be life saving. Right now all she knows is illness and she is either imitating or developing it herself. Disorders like hoarding have an anxiety/OCD component. A different environment and healthier role models could benefit her greatly.

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