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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To all the PPs on this thread who are not actual adoptive parents please stop!! [/quote]

OP’s thread title is “Tell me about adoption”.  Adoption ruined my mother’s life, brought her to attempt suicide many times and have extensive inpatient hospitalizations throughout my childhood.  Her experience is unfortunately very common among relinquishing mothers who were told they were doing the best thing for themselves and for their baby but instead faced a lifetime of anxiety, regret, self-recrimination, and terror.  OP needs to understand the coercive practices involved in infant adoption and understand that the full picture is not often ever understood or even considered by adoptive parents, whose experience is, for the most part a joyful one: they got what they wanted.  So of course the adoptive parent voices here are almost all vitriolically and viciously awful toward those of us who exhort prospective adoptive parents to consider the adoption industry as a whole and the harm it does.

The adoptive parent perspective is only one small part of the adoption circle.  The fact that they are satisfied is a given in most cases other than those where a child’s background or health status has been misrepresented.  Some of us are posting here to urge her to seek out adoptee advocacy groups, voices of relinquishing mothers, and vast studies and publications around corruption and coercion in the adoption industry.  [/quote]

How  many years ago was your mother's adoption?  There are so  many other factors to this including pre-existing mental health issues.  This is not the situation for every birthmother, just yours.  An adoptive parent cannot fix a birthparents mental health.[/quote]

We have no mental illness in our extended family in general on my mother’s side.  My mother experienced not just the initial trauma of relinquishment, not the unrelenting ongoing trauma of, on a daily basis, not knowing if her child is safe or loved or even alive.  It is akin to the trauma of having a child kidnapped.  It’s not a trauma that you eventually “get over” with therapy like you might a car accident or even a rape.  My mother sought out every kinds of treatment available.  Her only significant comforts were from support groups of other relinquishing mothers who didn’t gaslight or minimize her trauma, INCLUDING mother who very recently relinquished (for anyone who claims the trauma like this is a thing of the past.)  Being brainwashed into believing that you can’t be a good mother and that the best thing you could do in life is give your child the gift of someone else as a parent does a NUMBER on self esteem and ability to parent.

(And frankly, your reflexive response about pre-existing mental health issues reminds me of people who hear of COVID deaths and immediately say, “Well what comorbidities or pre-existing conditions did the dead have, as if that negates the reality that they wouldn’t be dead now if it weren’t for COVID.)

Even if some relinquishing mothers who suffer extreme trauma from adoption HAD pre-existing mental health challenges, would you still be okay with the damages adoption causes?  Are you really okay with how the for-profit adoption industry depends upon preying upon the most vulnerable pregnant women, including women with poverty, depression, and low self-esteem?[/quote]

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