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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where is gender equality here? If I was the breadwinner husband and if my wife decided not to work anymore,  I think I would lose some respect for her. Will most of those marriages end when one of the sides hit a mid life crisis? [/quote]

By our third date, my husband was telling me he only wanted to marry a woman who would continue to work after marriage and kids. I appreciate his forthrightness and as I never had any interest in SAH, we ended up getting married and being dual WOHP.  My guess is that most people discuss this extensively with prospective spouses.[/quote]

I think that’s a really unfair thing to ask of a woman. You’d never had a baby before - what if you’d changed your mind once you actually gave birth? And your husband will never know what it’s like to give birth. Also, that just seems slimy to me of your husband to ask that. To me it sounds like, “I don’t care how you feel when you actually have the baby. The most important thing to me is that you keep making money for us.”[/quote]

+1 I was ambitious and shocked when I realized I wanted to stay home. I went back to work, had a second kid, went back to work again and through it all I consistently wanted to be at home. I was super thankful my DH supported that, and that I’d paid off my strident loans rather than wait for PSLF to kick in. I think we still could have made SAH work even with the loans, but it was nice that wasn’t a factor.[/quote]

This. I never thought I'd want to stay home with my kids. But when they were small, it's all I wanted. People told me that it would be hard to go to work at first but that it would get better. It didn't -- I hated it every day! I hated that I was working so that we could pay someone else to do the things I wanted to be doing. It made no sense to me. I quit and have no regrets about it. My only regret is in not listening to myself when I was miserable returning to the office and trying to convince myself it was "just" hormones (it's definitely partly hormones but that doensn't make it wrong -- sometimes when your hormones scream at you, you should listen to them!) and that I'd get over it and that this was normal and right.

Basically all the PPs in this thread giving 101 reasons why women should never SAHM -- that was my inner monologue. And then I finally listened to my own mind instead of all the influences telling me that only regressive trad wives become SAHMs, and realized that it's what I wanted.

If you really want to stay home with your kids for some amount of time, and you and your spouse figure out together how to make it work financially, do it. And ignore these people yelling at you that you're betraying feminism for that your DH will leave you tomorrow. They don't know you, and they don't know your marriage. Do what works for you. There are lots of ways to live.[/quote]

Just don't make the emotional decision without running the numbers and fully understanding what you're giving up first.[/quote]

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