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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here: Just thought I’d update on what ended up happening. I kept digging because I really wanted to know why my husband was connecting with this girl. Many of you suggested it was because she was the salon receptionist, so had his contact number in her phone and it “suggested” him on social media…but that didn’t make sense to me, as she’s only following 200 people on Instagram.

At first he told me the same…the salon has his information since he’s a customer. But finally I told him…I’m not asking why the SALON has your information, I’m asking why SHE does. And finally he said…”oh, she saw my Instagram name while I was showing her pictures on my phone.” And then he tried to sugarcoat it by saying, “I was showing her pictures of YOU in case you were wondering”.

So moral of the story…when something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not.[/quote]

OP, I've been thinking about this...first, sorry you're having to deal with this, in light of your past history. It probably digs up a lot of unpleasant feelings.

Your DH seems to be seeking self-affirmation via sexual attention from women. I think there are probably layers and layers here, possibly childhood neglect or issues that then shaded over into him "finding" the love and attention he never got through sexual attention and intimacy with women. There's some confusion in his unconscious between sex and love, which makes this behavior compulsive. The lying indicates shame. He needs to dig deeper to find out what's underneath his actions, if he wants to actually love and respect himself in a way that would lead him to be able to be in a loving and respectful relationship.

For you, I imagine there may also be issues if you sought and committed to him knowing that he was on some level unreliable and unfaithful. So rather than get hung up on this one incident, maybe use it as a pause button to reassess where you are and what you want from this or any relationship.

Good luck with this, OP. You deserve to feel valued and respected.

[/quote]

This comment really resonated with me. My DH (mid-50s, married for 30 years) seems to care inordinately about what young women think of him = coaches at the gym, neighbors, co-workers. He is attractive - for his age - and he over-interprets any compliment from a younger woman as validation that he is hot or they are attracted to him. When I make fun of him for it, he gets very defensive. That is some deep insecurity left over from high school....[/quote]

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