Reply to I finally set a boundary with in laws and they made me feel bad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] :?: [quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think your MIL was rude.  I am a DIL and a MIL.  Just something to consider.  A lot of older adults just don’t like getting out late.  Or even being up late.  I always do dinner at 4 or 5 when my parents or in-laws visit.  DH and I are still fairly young.  We are 55 and thankfully, very active and healthy.  On a normal evening, we are in bed by about 8:30.  We are up by 5:30 at the latest.  And we are both retired.  It’s not intentional.  It’s just how we are now.  When my grandkids are here, we have so much fun!  But I am exhausted by the end of the day.  Your MIL may just be really tired by 6 or 7.  I know I am.  And I never thought it would happen to me. [/quote]

Well then they can say that. Like adults. It’s called communication. OP moved the time to accommodate the no-driving-in-the-dark request. All she can go on. They’re not talking about any other concerns or problems, instead, MIL is taking a cheap shot at stress and mental health. Which is a particularly rude thing for one mom to do to another when it comes to holiday stress.[/quote]

So OP has mental health issues now? Lol

She shouldn't host since it's so stressful for her.[/quote]

DP.  Why are so hateful and malicious?[/quote]

I am pretty sure MIL is asking the same thing about OP right now. I mean, who tells their DH's parents not to come to early on Christmas eve? [/quote]

Someone who needs a little time to hem selves to prepare give everything she is doing to keep her family afloat.  The guilty-tripping going on here over OP daring to take care of herself for a few hours is manipulative and abusive.[/quote]

It's not guilt tripping; it's being practical and reasonable. Stop looking at life in terms of right or wrong/black and white. Two things can make sense at the same time.

Yes, OP deserves time to herself. Yes, OP needs to take care of herself. However, in laws can still be hurt by OP asking them to stop coming early, as they have done in the past.

If in laws are coming over earlier on Christmas eve, it's because they want to spend more time with OP and her family. They cherish the time. It does not matter that FIL is watching loud TV during this time. He enjoys being over there. It's normal and quite foreseeable for them to feel offended if OP does not want them before a certain time given that this has already been established. OP's children are 8 and 6, so they have been getting there early for years, I assume.

OP could have found other ways of getting what she wants: cook less, clean less, put DH to work; put in laws to work etc without resorting to this. Both parties could have been merry and cheerful this Christmas. Instead, OP is now feeling like crap(don't blame DCUM - she was feeling this way before she posted), and so are her in laws. It sounds like a lose-lose situation here.
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