Reply to Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

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Reply to "Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP wants 100% or nothing. Lower your expectations or remain single. [/quote]

Disagree… I am the PP above who wrote that the guy is literal and unimaginative. I think you cannot be a romantic and be in a relationship with someone like this unless they are willing to go all in practically. You are never going to get some fantasy blah blahs to keep your heart pumping so the guy needs to want to at least be present, like a rock. Like a rock he will probably move slowly toward that. Anyway — I wrote above that OP will need to compromise, probably this guy will need to compromise and want to do things OP wants him to do even if in his practical, self sufficient way he sees it as totally unnecessary. Depends on how much he likes her. It is smart of her to tell him he can have all or nothing as a guy like this will continue on putting in what is minimum to maintain as long as he doesn’t see the necessity of changing.[/quote]

Different poster here, agree with you.  I am a woman and the unromantic one….I wouldn’t have thought to say I was “100% in” on someone because to me that seems like a proposal of marriage kind of commitment.  I gather a lot of DCUM would think it means way less than that.

Luckily my DH, who is a romantic, fell partially in love with my no-nonsense practicality…but I too think that OP isn’t going to be happy with solid and dependable.  It won’t be enough. In some ways it is too bad, because marriage is a long time and being solid and reliable is not a bad thing long term!  But it’s not a fit for OP.

He is probably the type, like me, who sees movies where people more or less make love in a rainstorm, and all he can think about is that they are ruining their shoes.  At least I am self-aware! [/quote]

PP here. Yes, I am married to someone like you. I got tired of romantic types who never delivered and went for dependable. 10+ years in, though, I’m very happy. My partner has slowly learned what romantic gestures are important to me, and true to his nature I get them like clock work! It took patience and a lot of explaining about what I liked and why. Is it the kind of electric Wow, this person gets me kind of feeling, no. But it’s steady and genuine and so deeply heartfelt. I would much rather that than some guy who’s hot under the collar for the chase and fizzles out.

Stamina and determination would win for me every day over intensity and romance. If he cares enough he will take the time to learn what you need and give it.[/quote]

OP: I totally get what you’re saying. I’m not sure if he’s the dependable type based on his relationship history though. He left his marriage after 3 years, and in the 6 years since the divorce he’s only had a string of 3-month relationships (besides ours I guess).[/quote]

Good points. Why did he leave his marriage? [/quote]

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