Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m not complaining bc I truly don’t mind it and accepted it when we decided to have kids but I handle basically every mental task related to raising our kids:
-meal planning and grocery shopping for family meals (DH does cook sometimes but I do all the planning and shopping, thus mental work of it, plus most of the actual cooking too
-scheduling and taking kids to all Dr. and dentist visits. DH might ask how the appt was later but that’s the extent of his involvement.
-registering kids for activities, school, camp, etc. I will ask DH’s opinion after I’ve done the research, gotten the info, etc but he has never been one to look anything up related to kid school or activities and doesn’t know when deadlines are or anything related to that. Thus I’m the one mentally thinking of it and planning and arranging it.
-scheduling play dates, planning bday parties, arranging any type of social gatherings my kids participate in. If it was up to DH, the kids would never have any play dates or social outings as DH doesn’t plan these types of things, doesn’t make an effort to get to know kids’ friends’ parents, etc. If I didn’t do this our kids would probably have some impromptu/unplanned get togethers w neighbors occasionally but that’s it.
-buying gifts for the kids for bdays and Christmas. I’ll ask my DH’s opinion on stuff and he does want them to get things they like/be happy w their gifts but he really doesn’t care what they get as long as I handle it.
-buying kids’ clothing and shoes. He doesn’t know their current sizes, has never once bought an article of clothing for them. I have no doubt that if I didn’t take care of this my kids would be wearing too small/weather inappropriate clothing and shoes for quite awhile before my husband noticed. He doesn’t think about things like this!
-planning family outings and vacations. We’d never go anywhere except the neighborhood park and occasionally my in laws’ house if it were up to my husband to think of this. My kids likely wouldn’t have ever been to a museum, zoo, special event, the pool.

I could go on but I think I’ve made my point. Are any of those things difficult to do? No. Is it a ton Of extra work for me? No. Do I resent my husband? No. And like I said I expected to be primary parent when we had kids. But that ^^ is a mental load i carry that he does not. If I were to die tomorrow I think it would take my husband a very long time if ever to get the hang of taking over all those “planning and organizing and thinking ahead” kid-related tasks. And he’s a loving, patient, involved father who is crazy about our kids. He just doesn’t think about their needs in the way I do bc he doesn’t have to bc I do all that mental work for him.[/quote]

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