Reply to How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying

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Reply to "How would you handle a 15 yo talking about getting a matching tattoo with a friend who is dying"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As someone who has worked in the field of oncology and a parent with pediatric cancer in my family, I would absolutely allow this. It’s going to be really important for your child and her friend and will be something she will never regret. This experience will profoundly impact your child and this will be something that helps her navigate it with peace for the rest of her life.[/quote]

Just amplifying this.  The kid who is dying will know that s/he is a small part of her friend forever, even after s/he dies.  And your kid will have this lasting reminder of this thing s/he did for their dying friend whom s/he loved.  It's lovely.  Good luck with the rib thing, OP's kid![/quote]

Tattoos are forever and this is someone op’s DD has been close friends with for a few years. For all we know if the other kid lived they’d graduate from high school and then never talk again. [/quote]

Have you lost a friend in childhood to cancer? If not, I wouldn’t comment on how you think the OP’s child will grieve.[/quote]

Yes, actually I did. A friend to diabetes, and a close cousin I was friends with to cancer, both in childhood. And I didn't say how I think OP's child will grieve. I just pointed out that if her friend DIDN'T die, it's entirely possible they would just naturally drift apart. Getting a tattoo forces a permanency to the friendship. [/quote]

But the child will die and that will have it's own permanency.  She won't grow up and move away.  They won't grow apart.  She will die.  OP's child will grieve and grow and do all of the things that the living do.  What difference does it make that if things were different, they would be different?

I don't like tattoos. I wouldn't choose to get one. But the choice here is between asserting your parental authority to override your child's growing autonomy.  Sometimes, that is necessary to protect them from seriously dangerous things.  If this was a question of "hey mom, I wanna do heroin with my friend," then probably everyone would feel differently.  But the long-term harm of having a tattoo is that your body doesn't look like you might prefer.  Is it worth alienating a child at such a critical time to prevent that?  I would much rather do what I could to protect my child from their grief-stricken actions than worry about the small potatoes of some judgey mom at swim club.  I would impress upon the child that this is a serious decision and not one to make lightly, but otherwise what is the real harm of getting the tattoo?   The real harm of forbidding it is that you damage you set your authority in opposition to the emotional pain of a loss, while telling them they're too young to understand.  To me, that sounds like daring your kid to do some dumb stuff without consulting you because they believe their grown.  Teenagers push boundaries anyway, best that that they don't adopt a forgiveness instead of permission attitude.[/quote]

Are you the teen who wants the tattoo?   You seem oddly invested in getting me to agree to this. I understand the reasons a 15 yr old would want to do this, and the reasons some parents would say yes to it. I'm just not one of those parents. [/quote]

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