Reply to Told brother to keep his girlfriend aka mistress at home for the holidays.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I am opposed to cheating however I think you are wrong.  You were not in their marriage.  Your brother was not happy and he may not have made the best decision but he messed up.  He is human, we are not perfect, we make mistakes.  It says something that he is still with this woman.  Obviously that relationship is important to him, important enough to divorce over.  However none of that is your business.  It really isn't.

He is your brother, you either want a relationship or you don't.  You sound judgemental.  You should not be the gatekeeper into your family.  Every person has a place there.  Your brother has a place there and its ok for him to bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately you will be so horrible and cold to her, that your brother and GF will come to see that the relationship is broken.  It may mean you and the whole family see less of him as a result of that.  I mean you aren't exactly accepting of him.

You can live with hate in your heart or kindness.  One will make you bitter in old age and one will give you a kind and loving life.  You have chosen hate and personally I find that really sad.  You will choose to make your holidays cold and uninviting than bring warmth into your family.  [/quote]

Not everyone gets invited to everything. Isn’t that the mantra on dcum? If its ok to exclude children from
Parties then GF can put her big girl pants on and deal. Why can’t they see her family on Thanksgiving?[/quote]

I think excluding people in families leads to dysfunctional relationships.  If the brother plans on moving forward with this woman, would they possibly have kids together (?) then excluding her at family engagements may lead to years of heartache.  Possibly at this stage just being a girlfriend maybe they should just have the holidays with her family.  That would probably be easier. It may also be the start of breaking away from OP's family because yes, its easier.

It just isn't productive to take sides.  OP can still support the ex-SIL and have a relationship with her.  The family can still support the nieces and nephews whilst having a relationship with the brother.  Who knows what the future holds for the brother and the GF however who would want to be in this extremely judgemental family, they sound cold and unforgiving.  You couldn't make any mistake with your life otherwise you would be sure you are on your own.

The arrogance of OP is outstanding.  She judges her brother and his GF so harshly, so incredibly harshly but what does it say about her that she would so easily turn her back on her family and create divide and drama around them by excluding them. How does that help the niece and nephew.  What it teaches the niece and nephew is that if they screw up, the paternal side of the family will disown them.  That's what it is showing them, that love is conditional.[/quote]

So go see her family this year. You are jumping the gun in how successful this relationship will be. Is a guy who just divorced really thinking about marriage and kids after the disaster he just created? He sounds like a trainwreck. His kids can’t stand him, his sister and mother are fed up. The gf should keep her eyes wide open and not be thinking about kids with this dead beat.[/quote]

I am jumping the gun but this isn't the first holiday's they have been together.  OP said he had to be divorced first.  So it appears the relationship has been going for a while so far.

I also remember a post exactly like this one last year around the holidays.  Its not like this is the first year of being together and they want to come.  They were excluded before and were told once he was divorced it would be different.  He is now divorced and OP is still frothing at the mouth like it was her cheated on.

At some point, OP has to get over it.   [/quote]

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