Reply to This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^PP, [b]why do you allow that guy to still text you[/b]? Do you need the ego boost?  I cannot understand why he wouldn’t be blocked on everything.  Interesting that you express no remorse for knowingly engaging in a relationship with a married man - that’s a pretty sh!tty thing to do to someone else.  Curious if your DH knows this story.  It would make me nervous to marry someone who had been in a relationship like that unless they had gone A LOT of soul searching, changed their views on respecting a marriage, and felt real remorse.[/quote]

I don't "allow" anything, I am responsible for my choices, not his. This is what that situation taught me. I don't need to block someone to understand what is and isn't good for me to respond to. It's called boundaries, folks. I have them now, he didn't and doesn't. That's on him. The continued push to blame women for men's behavior is tiresome.[/quote]

Are you looking for empathy op? Sympathy? You had a parallel relationship, running alongside his real life, yes. When the rubber met the road, you saw your place in the hierarchy, a position you were protected from apparently, for quite some time. [b]This is always the problem with affairs...they are a fragmented, un-integrated aspect of a person's life. While in it, it feels heavy and the feelings are real and intense, etc. But in the larger reality it is a secret and a type of parallel, fantasied world,and that became painfully real to you.[/b] But in a way it was always true, you just did not want to fully see it. I imagine it is very painful yes. But you chose and created it. Create something different if you want something different. You sound like you want to. You saw how little power you had and my guess is that was a shock because you typically felt powerful throughout the whole thing. You don't like the loss of status. That's understandable. You were not treated very well. So figure out why you tolerated conditions that led to that scenario.[/quote]

These are the selfish reason why I wouldn’t want an affair. It’s not a good way to live for you yourself, set aside the moral aspects. [/quote]

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