Reply to SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

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Reply to "SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
+1

Dual-income parents manage this all the time.  Expecting someone to work full time to support you so you can have six hours a day to do whatever you want is not automatically reasonable.  If you managed all the cooking, cleaning, driving, errands, school volunteering when you had younger kids (which is what OP seems to be suggesting), it's not clear why you need the extra 6-8 hours a day without any childcare duties.  [b]There really isn't any reason you can't work at least part time, other than that you don't want to. [/b] [/quote]

This. And I say this not as a jealous working mom but as a current SAHM (formerly WOHM with 2 small kids) who understands this, and feels lucky that my H totally leaves it up to me whether/ when to return at least to PT work now that the youngest is in kindergarten this year. [/quote]

Sure there is a reason.  What is the benefit?  If may be the case the extra money isn’t needed and her working won’t lessen DH’s work demands.  So if she doesn’t want to, what would be the point? [/quote]
NP here. And I agree that if the income isn't needed, it's not necessary to work if someone doesn't want to do so. But if it's going to impact OP's relationship with her spouse, that's an important consideration. OP needs to understand and take seriously why her DH wants her to work, and he also needs to understand and take seriously why she doesn't. "I don't want to" is actually a completely valid reason for an adult not to do something that isn't necessary. I also think that DH's really don't understand that the types of jobs a person can get after being out of the workforce can be mind-numbing and demoralizing. So if OP disagrees on his reasoning, then she is the one who will grow resentful if she ends up doing what he wants just to keep the peace. I do understand that being the sole earner can feel stressful, but if that's the reason the two of them need to look objectively at their finances and decide together if another income is actually needed. If they decide it is, OP herself may feel differently about taking a job...even one she doesn't enjoy.

FWIW, I work PT, but we really don't need my income. I also have a volunteer leadership position in a non-profit, that takes up a lot of my time. DH is supportive of my doing whatever I want, because we are now in a really great position financially...and mostly he doesn't want me to be miserable. His job is demanding, but he also enjoys it. I've made career sacrifices to keep our home life moderately functional while he's rapidly advanced and gotten to do fulfilling work. Yes, his job earns us several luxuries...but it's ridiculous to pretend that his reason for working so much is completely altruistic. He likes his work. He likes the satisfaction of what he does. And he probably does enjoy some of the prestige associated with his position (though I think less than others would). Forcing me to work a far less fulfilling job just to prove a point or to reduce the burden of financial responsibility he might feel due partially to choices he's made would be mean and also obtuse. [/quote]

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