Reply to Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?

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Reply to "Everything was great for 6 months and then family finds out and boom: he ends it. Advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, here is another possible take on what happened to you.  Some people like to toy with others’ emotions because it provides a source of amusement and/or a sense of control.  They look for your emotional weaknesses and exploit them.  In your case, you seem to be concerned about finding a suitable long term partner because you are over 40 and have children.  Not that there is anything wrong with that; but it is a source of concern for you, and a man who makes you feel secure that that’s not an issue may trigger feelings like “I’ve gotta hold on to this guy.”  Even in the face of all other rational data telling you this guy is not a suitable long term partner for you.

I say this because it happened to me.  Look up the term “love bomb.”  I was love bombed by a guy that was so sweet, so calm and assuring.  I thought for sure that he was the answer to my prayers, the perfect guy for me.  A few months in he starts withdrawing his previously unrelenting interest.  He makes excuses about why we can’t see each other as often.  He has to be there for his adult kids, as his ex is nearly suicidal. Um, what??  People like this come up with outrageous sob stories so that they can extricate themselves from their intensity with you (driving you crazy with desire) while looking like an innocent hero or victim of circumstance.  If you complain under these circumstances, you look like the unsympathetic bad guy.  Meanwhile, you’re holding the bag of uncertainty and ruminating over “what could have been,” while they are unscathed and have moved on to their next adventure. If I’m right, that means he never really cared about you, and his efforts were either all for amusement or to pass the time until something else caught his fancy (aka his new wife).

Hate to be so cynical, but it happened to me, and the guy who did it admitted it, and admitted it was intentional. (And no, his ex wasn’t suicidal. He simply likes playing the game, and playing it with multiple women at one time.)[/quote]

I look back and thought the beginning could have been love bombing in a way...it had crossed my mind already. Thanks for bringing that up. It is possible. (but I do think is still weird he told his family about me...that is weird if it was truly just love bombing). Appreciate this perspective.[/quote]

OP, I would strongly consider the possibility that he never told his family anything. That’s it was a good excuse, one you would understand - especially since the pump was already primed in your earlier discussions.

I think the decision to be in an arranged marriage already happened. And when it was the right time for him to end things on his terms and knowing you still cared, he did. Walks into the marriage he wanted and agreed to, ego fully intact.

It’s time to swim in different ponds. With reasonable expectations. You figure out what you want, they independently do the same, and see if it truly lines up. [/quote]

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