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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Oh wow! I was most definitely NOT neglected! My mom (and in many ways my dad) knew me so well! Yes, they were not around all the time and they gave me a lot of freedom growing up. They knew they could trust me and they knew exactly how much I could handle. We spent weeks just the 4 of us on a sail boat or in a car/ tents while crossing the Sahara desert. We did amazing things... quality things... but yes, my mom rarely cooked for us (and she was/is nit good at it), she rarely took us to swim/fencing classes, she did not monitor how much tv I was watching or how much time I spent doing homework, but she was absolutely present. I never had issues... always did well in school, etc. my brother had a harder time in school and my mom found the best tutor to help him (he is now a very well respected surgeon. 
We always talked a lot and she knew ME. I had the best care (cleaning me, feeding me, taking me to activities) with amazing nannies/aupairs from all over the world (who taught me a lot). 
I had the best childhood full of love and adventures and so many people who loved me (including my parents)

[b]I had a friend growing up whose mom chose to stay at home. By the time he was 15, he was making fun of her and calling her “stupid” because all she did was cleaning her house and buying produce... she did a very crappy job being “present” in his life and nowadays the mom has almost zero contact with her kids... what a waste of a life if you ask me...[/b][/quote]

You know, for all the amazing things you claim to have, the bolded is one of the most staggering judgmental things I’ve ever seen posted on DCUM, and that’s saying a lot. Your friend sounds like an ungrateful jerk.  It’s unfortunate that for all your wealth and amazing experiences, you have so little ability to conceive of happy lives that don’t mirror your own, or that, maybe, just maybe, a woman staying at home to raise children deserves respect from those children, rather than denigration.[/quote]

DP and SAHM here. I disagree.

PP is not judging every stay at home mom. She is stating that this particular one wasted her life if she raised children who want to have nothing to do with her. I get your point that PP's friends should respect their mom. However, as a SAHM myself, I would feel like I wasted years at home with my kids if they ended up like PP's friend and his siblings. I am not blaming the SAHM necessarily, just admitting that I would feel like my time at home was wasted if my kids end up to be horrible people.

We might wish that this is not the case, but SAHMs who end up with horrible children are far more disappointed in their children than women who had careers. We feel like we gave up something even if it was completely our choice and even if we enjoy the years we spent at home. It's one of the risks of being a SAHM.[/quote]

Previous PP here. Thank you, this is exactly what I meant. I don’t know the woman... she might be smart and nice, but she raised not very nice people that want nothing to do with her and look down on her. This goes to show that my parents did much better with much less time... as per my point, quality over quantity. Kids’ success and their relationships with their parents does nit depend on how much time parents spend with their them[/quote]

PP who thinks you’re being judgmental, and, man, did you underscore my point.  You don’t know the woman, so you judge her based on her children.  I mean, never mind that, presumably, they had a father, who contributed not just interactions but half their DNA, which also influences their adult behavior.  Despite all those complexities, you’re judging a stranger for the sole purpose of reinforcing your own beliefs about parenting.  Brava.

I won’t blame your parents entirely for how ignorant and callous you are, because that would be unfair. [/quote]

Again, you are missing my point and keep insulting (who is ignorant and callous here?).

My whole point is that spending a lot of time with your kids does not mean they will grow up to be good people or that you will be close to them. Why would you say that spending more time with them is better otherwise?
Maybe my “friend’s” mom made mistakes, maybe her husband did, maybe nobody did and she was just unlucky.... however, her being at home 24/7 was not a guarantee of raising good and successful people... I am not saying that this happened BECAUSE she stayed at home, all I am saying is that you can raise good and happy people and have really close relationships with them even working long days out if the home... that’s all
[/quote]

You literally said your friend’s mom was “a waste of a life.”  If you wanted to make your point about quality vs. quantity, you could have done so without resorting to ugly comments like that.[/quote]

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