Reply to Does a blended family actually work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man, I HATE my stepmother with the fire of a million sons, but I’m an adult now. I’m not hung up on what daddy and mommy do at Christmas. I do what I want to do. A lot of adults here pretty bitter and fixated. My stepmother keeps my dad occupied so I have no duties towards him. No worries. [/quote]

Must be nice that they don't hassle you.  Not all of us are so lucky.  My mom randomly shows up at my house with her husband because she thinks that will make me spend time with him.[/quote]

I would be happy if my dad found someone nice to spend his life with, and I would be fine with spending time with her as well and getting to know her.

The problems arise when the stepmom also has kids (and maybe even grandkids) and then wants all of us to bond.

Examples of things I’ve personally experienced:

-dad and stepmom wanting to come visit when I just had a new baby, and at the last second springing on me that they will be bringing stepmoms two tween grandchildren to “meet their new cousin!” I was happy to have my dad come, tolerant of my stepmom coming too, but then somehow I’m a jerk for not wanting my “niece and nephew” to come stay at my house when I’d just given birth

-my dad married my stepmom, and within one year her two adult children and two grandchildren were all living with my dad. I wouldn’t have cared but then anytime i wanted to go visit my dad, I had to deal with them, and because they were living with my dad there was nowhere for my family to stay so we had to get a hotel (honestly that was fine). But then in our limited time visiting my dad for a long weekend, I never got a moment one on one with him, because stepmom and stepsiblings and their kids were always around and they expected all of us to do group activities together

-at my wedding, feeling pressured to invite my step siblings and their children, even though I’d met them exactly one time ever and I was having a small wedding with no children. I caved (my own fault for not standing firm), and then we had to take professional pictures with all of them with the photographer because they were “family”. My dad and stepmom were divorced within 3 years.

-my siblings and dad and I have an annual get together where we go camping. We were fine with him bringing his wife, but then he wanted to invite the step siblings and their partners and children, again, people we had met once or twice, not people we grew up with.

My stepmom was a perfectly decent person and my dad loved her, but all of the stuff above completely wore me down.[/quote]

Yes! This!! All of this!! Dang, some of this is like a page from my life. I think we are due, culturally, for a great telling of stories from adult children of divorce. The same way how, in the past decade, there was a flood of stories from the first wave of korean adoptees who'd reached adulthood, and a wave of stories from adult children of hoarders. The adult LONGVIEW perspective of life with divorced parents -- how this stuff plays out over 30 years -- is totally different than any of the other divorce-related stories that have been out there. I am here to buy your books. [/quote]

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