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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, it must be frustrating your SIL is not really part of your family. Her controlling behavior may be due to anxiety or she really is abusive. Regardless, there isn't much you can do, except be available to your brother. Support him now and make peace with the fact you won't have much interaction with your niece. [/quote]
Thanks... that is what I am doing. It just sucks because our family is super small and we are very very close even if we live far away...[/quote]

Ok so with your updates I can see why you are upset with your SIL.  I am not sure if something happened when their child went to hospital.  It seemed that the SIL is upset over something, maybe ask your brother if you said or did something that hurt her.  Maybe it's something you don't even realise you did.

Despite that yes your SIL sounds cold and controlling.  However there isn't much you can do, she is who she is.  I understand it's frustrating that your family just wants to interact normally with each other and this added stress doesn't help.  It just makes everything harder.

I would communicate mainly through your brother.  Set up times to visit with him.  Apart from that I understand why you hate her, it seems that your brother is in a tight spot so perhaps don't talk about your SIL with him, it puts him in an awkward position.  Ask him about their child, it's normal to ask questions I wouldn't be put off by her attitude, at the end of the day if she is upset that you are taking an interest in their child then that is her problem not yours.  As long as you are not comparing her child to yours.

Maybe it will get better with time, hopefully but it's probably something you will have to come to accept.  Try to work through your feelings a little before you see her next, it won't help things if you are feeling negative toward her.  I hope things turn around.[/quote]

OP here. Thank you. I did talk to SIL about the hospital and I did that hurt or bothered her. When I went back this summer I made an effort to talk to her in person. I would have wanted to talk only with her, but she would not do it without my brother present... which was not a big deal. As I already said, he issue with me was that when their daughter was at the hospital I did not write to SIL directly, but only wrote to my brother. I explained her that my brother thought she was very stressed out at the time and asked us to not write on our family chat to ask about their daughter and to not contact SIL directly. I even showed her his text to me because she thought I was lying (or as she put it, “not honest”). 
Even after reading the text she maintained her point that I should have texted her. Her words were “your brother told you to not contact me, not to not text me at all”.... to me “no contact” means “no text, no call, etc” ... anyway... 
I think she is ridiculous for being upset for months about this after we all tried to make her reason (my brother and myself)... also, in all honestly, when my daughter was in the hospital, I couldn’t have cared less who was calling and who wasn’t... I have no idea if she or my brother contacted me. My husbands parents and siblings asked to my husband... and I am HAPPY they did not bother me...

When my niece was in the hospital, I wrote and called my brother so many times! I even showed her the 30 or so whatsup pages of messages we exchanged. I bought through amazon a welcome home gift, etc... I was a great sister, SIL and aunt...
She is just crazy and that’s it
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