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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Difficult to say what is going on here.

It seems obvious to me you have ticked you SIL off somehow. Probably related to something that happened when the baby was in the hospital. Have you asked her if you’ve done something to upset her, and apologized? You may have been insensitive, she may have been over sensitive- but either way being the bigger person is helpful.

Who knows what is really going on in their marriage..the only people who do are (1) your brother and (2) her. It is literally impossible to get a full and accurate picture. Literally impossible. Marital problems are virtually never only one spouses fault, you realize? It takes two. Your brother is almost certainly not providing a completely accurate picture- and it may not even be on purpose- it is just the way people tend to describe personal issues from their own viewpoint.

Your brother may be a wonderful guy, but he sounds immature. He should not be discussing his marital problems with the extended family- and certainly not with such detail. This is never a good idea and your post is 100% proof of WHY. Whatever else is going on- I feel truly very sorry for your SIL about this issue. Her DH is breaking her trust and airing their dirty laundry to the extended family. I am not at all surprised she is putting distance between them and you. In this regard it is YOUR BROTHER’S fault but she may be blaming you..when it is not your fault he has such a big mouth. This is one of of my reasons discussing marital issues with extended family is general high recommended against.

I’d stop discussing your brothers marriage with him. There is absolutely zero possibility that you are helping anyone by doing this. Tell him you love him and his family  and hope things improve and encourage counseling. Repeat each time. Do not listen to these details or encourage him telling you these things. Also I would discourage your mother from gossiping and complaining about this and certainly don’t gossip with her either.

The fault may very well not lie with your family- it seems to be marital issues. Be the bigger and more mature person, avoid gossiping and discussing this anymore and let them work this out. Don’t encourage negative talk about SIL either from brother or your mom. Maybe they will work it out maybe they won’t- but do the right thing. [/quote]

Responding to your first paragraph.  I have... that is what I explained in my previous post. I had no idea she was upset at me for not contacting her directly and honestly her anger/disappointment was totally unjustified. I simply did what my brother asked me to do. Even after showing her his message “do not contact SIL, she does not want to make a big deal about this” she said “ he meant to not call me, not to not write to me”.... I mean how was I supposed to read his/her mind? My brother told both of us that that situation was all his fault and that he should not have tried to protect her... SIL was still upset with me and (though I don’t even understand the logic at this point) she said we just have different opinions... I had no opinion... I just did as I was told... but I guess I am still the bad person [/quote]

You should have called/texted her directly at the same time as your brother. It signaled to her that you aren’t very close at all. She does not feel important or included in your family. Whether it’s justified or not I don’t know, but what you are currently doing is not working. Also, you had your third baby just a month before her first, she may feel that stole her baby’s thunder a little bit.[/quote]

My baby was born a month after hers. Would you have texted your SIL after you brother told you to not contact her? Had she been my best friend, maybe I would have anyway because I would know her very well, but she is not a best friend. I have lived in the Us since before they met and spent very little time with her...[/quote]

I would have called my SIL before my brother (but that’s completely irrelevant). You don’t have a relationship with her, and from I can tell not doing much to foster one. You just want access to your brother and niece and go through the formalities. That’s fine, she has decided you are not a priority in her and her family’s life. This is not a battle you can win, it’s highly unlikely your brother will divorce her. Act accordingly.[/quote]

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