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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To answer OP's initial naive and rude question:  yes, we did save. A lot. When both children were born I opened education trusts for both them back in the 1990s.  Every single dollar/check that came in for the children went into the education trusts with thank you notes from the children (sometimes just tracing the palm of their hands because they couldn't yet write letters) writing thanks for each $25 check.  There were no 529s then.  So I get both trusts up each to at least $100K and then the 2007 great recession starts and both accounts for both children lost 1/3 of value overnight.  So now we start rebuilding those accounts (yes professionally managed).  Meanwhile, as parents who had their children "later in life", as in our late 30s and early 40s, we are also trying to sock away retirement money.  There were a number of years where we just couldn't do that due to property taxes, mortgage, insurance, health and liability insurance, and other expenses. Then comes the prolonged illness of a parent which went on 8 years and cost 100s of thousands a year for uncovered medical care.  Then came the diagnosis on one of the children of autism and subsequent uncovered medical expenses for shrinks, testing, meds, and special needs schools. My DW has to quit her lucractive career to take care of both SN children. Then the same occurred with the second child.  Now we are paying for two separate SN schools, testing every 3 years, shrinks, psychs, and testers and tutoring.  Fortunately, when I had written the trusts, I had specified that we could use the trusts for all educational expenses so - upon the advice of our CPA - we started to drain those trusts to pay for tutors pre-college and during college and to pay for SN special ed schools - because the trusts would hurt us when applying for financial aid.  We get one child through university in five years which was extraordinary because he was autistic  - but he did it with 100% financial support from us.  Child no. 2 is still in college.  When we went to apply for financial aid for both years ago we learned we were a donut hole family (i.e., no financial aid available) so our EFC was that we were to pay the full amount of any educational costs but we did take out the $5500 minimal loans but that meant we had to pay everything else for college (both instate) out of pocket.  Then parent no. 2 goes bad and we are paying for residential care for that parent.  Meanwhile, we are struggling to meet the college payments and our own mortgage and enormous property taxes.  We can't afford to pay our life and disability insurance premiums so they lapse.  Then Obamacare screws us.  There is no ACA provider left in our zip code because all the providers pulled out so we have no healthcare options left (we are self-employed).  We end up buying a corporate policy because both parents work from home at $35K a year because there are no alternatives and it is irresponsible to have no insurance, especially when the parents are on the older side and the children are young adults (one who, in the eyes of the insurance company, is impregnable).  Then parent no. 3 becomes senile and needs expensive residential care.  Now child no 1 has taken off academically and is going to grad school.  To the extent we can afford it we will try to pay for it.  He wants to do law school after that as I did.   My law school is now approaching $100K a year.  Meanwhile we make very good money even on D.C. scale but 40% of that is taken off the top in taxes, $29K in property taxes, another $35K in health care since we are self-employed, and then grad school tuition and the fourth parent's health care issues looming.  So, like 14:07 above, we are now reduced to paying out of pocket for child no . 2's grad school and law school ALL THE WHILE unsuccessfully socking away retirement money.  And before you say child no 2 should get student loans, go learn what kind of student loans are available when you are a donut hole family.  The answer is zero because the lender wants to see collateral.  And our children have none, of course.

So my answer to OP is to not judge unless they've been through the FAFSA, CSS and college application process.  I wake up every morning grateful that we have wonderful in-state opportunities for education in Virginia.

And before the nasties come on this board and criticize, no we don't take nice vacations.  We drive 15 year old cars.  it's been so long that I've traveled anywhere that my passport expired years ago.  And we've lived in the same house for 24 years.[/quote]

tl;dr - you make a crap-ton of money, but are "struggling" not because over the years, we spent it on other things.  Despite that, we have paid for both kids' undergraduate educations.  And we're paying for grad school out of pocket.  One kids wants to go to Harvard Law, just like me, but it's *hard* to afford $100k/year for that, too.  We have decided to spend much of out money on college, grad school, and parents' medical expenses, and have given retirement short shrift.  Oh, and we pay close to $30k in property taxes, so we just live in a hovel.

Did I forget anything?  [/quote]

two SN kids attending college only happens in America.  [/quote]

Something I definitely appreciate about the US! There was an interesting NSF-funded study that looked at the disproportionate number of people with dyslexia who ended up in the high positions/high achievement in visual spatially dominated STEM fields.  So glad our school system doesn't lock them out of higher degrees.[/quote]

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