Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: Point taken on the household manager. I can do that- and that would help a little- but I’m not skimping on the help as is. We have a lot of help, but managing the help is still a job. And as other PPs have pointed out there’s just stuff that can’t be outsourced, at least in terms of the way I’d like to parent. I wouldn’t even necessarily have a problem switching roles here, but that’s not what DH wants either - and the truth is that it wouldn’t be my preference. I just don’t think it’s fair that he gets to be the one that leans out while I’m the one that takes the role of the responsibilities of the one that leans out. Also, I’m not as concerned with dollar amounts (at all actually) as I am at the enormous differential in free time and what seems fair and right to me. If DH were a HS teacher making 50k and working his butt off, it wouldn’t bother me as much. So it’s not about the money, more the perception that the roles aren’t fair.[/quote]

You need more competent help if you spend anymore than 15 minutes a day managing the help.[/quote]

Kids have needs that can only be met by parents. Emotional needs, developmental needs, noticing things that are going on with them. These things cannot be outsourced. One of the parents has to be tuned in and proactive. That’s just the way it is. It’s what we sign up for it when we decide to become parents. [/quote]

But that has nothing to do with finding a competent person that doesn't need to be micro-managed re: what towels go in which closet, or which kid is lactose-intolerant, making haircut appointments, presenting summer camp options, filling out paperwork, etc.

[/quote]

So he puts the towels in the "wrong" closet and signs the kids up for the "wrong" camp and takes them to the "wrong" hair dresser. It won't be the end of the world. Seriously.  Let him do this stuff his way.  Outsource the rest.  But stop trying to micromanage his every move because that is not going to end well.[/quote]

I'm pretty sure he isn't putting away towels OR signing the kids up for camps.

The point is that it doesn't even cross his mind that the kids will need activities/child care for the summer, or if it does, it doesn't register that it's something he could arrange to take it off his spouse's plate while he's watching TV on the couch at night.

I get it.  My own husband won't even think about dinner until I get home. Even if I have something going on, unless I tell him to get take out he'll wait until I arrive home at 8, 8:30, 9:00 and ask what do I want to do for dinner.  The kids will still be up even though they should have been in bed at 8:30, on their tablets, without having had dinner. If I had the $ I think I'd ask for a divorce.[/quote]

Same here. Totally brainless and self centered. Can’t do a kids simple morning routine even after five years. Adderall helps. [/quote]

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