Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm really perplexed at all the people saying "hire a house manager" etc.

We make over 800k and I wouldn't hire a house manager at our income. House managers cost a lot of money! You need to pay them a professional salary + benefits. Not worth it.

My husband is the breadwinner though I work too and make decent money (~150k). He is a detail oriented perfectionist and a CIO at his company. He's great at "mommy stuff" and remembering the kids' details.

I just don't get all these people in here saying men are bad at this stuff. They're not "bad" at it. They just don't want to do it so they make you think they are bad at it. There is a difference.

Someone who manages a portfolio of funds or works as a law partner should be able to manage a few details about the home front.[/quote]

So your husband makes 700k +, is a c-suite executive, and carries 50% of the load at home? You married a unicorn. Why are you in here bragging?[/quote]

I don't know if he's that uncommon or not but the point is, he shouldn't be. I signed up to be his partner, not his mommy. When we had our first baby and I went back to work, I basically told him "I'm going to do my part but not yours so you need to figure it out." and he did.

He's a great, super involved father and husband now and has been for years (our eldest is 10).[/quote]

This.

DH and I are partners. Honestly, he shoulders more of the kids stuff than I do since his job is more flexible and he is physically around more. [/quote]

I don't think anyone would disagree that marriages that are partnerships tend to work better than those that don't.  Those can take different forms.

What's laughable in this case is that the guy makes *$700K* AND is Mr. Mom.  GTFO with those expectations.  His salary ALONE makes him a unicorn, and the PP's seeming obliviousness on that front borders on insulting.[/quote]

Wife of the unicorn guy here. He is out grocery shopping right now, lol. You’re right, he is Mr. Mom. He is a very natural, warm, nurturing, hands on parent. Our kids love us equally and he is just as much the default parent as I am, maybe more. Depends on the kid, honestly (my daughter is very much a momma’s girl). In terms of him shouldering half of the load: most of that probably comes down to the fact that he doesn’t like to hire things out. Yes he makes a lot of money and we can afford it but we’re also trying to build our net worth so we don’t like wasting money on things we can easily do ourselves.

[b]I feel bad for women who don’t have a partner like him. I feel bad for kids who don’t have an involved, hands on father like him.[/b] I don’t know what to tell you except: it’s definitely possible. You just have to have high standards. We’ve been married for 15 years and I trained him into the good husband he is now. He grew up in a traditional household (mom was a SAHM) and I had to let him know that wouldn’t be me. He accepts that.[/quote]

Spare us your pity, please.  You got damn lucky to find someone to meet your exceptionally high standards while you were still old enough to have kids.

Also, plenty of kids have involved, hands on fathers.  They just don't all make $700K.[/quote]

Very curious how someone can be that chill and nurturing and make $700k? Business, law, tech even medicine you kinda have to be a brutal cutthroat to get to that level. What does he do that allows him to thrive without being taken advantage of?[/quote]

PP already said he's the CIO of some company.[/quote]

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