Reply to WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think it's a mistake just to go by what your dd says and not have her back. She's a teenager, not an adult, and the teen world for girls is ruled by social connections and not wanting to be the outgroup. Teens don't have the inherent judgment and maturity to recognize and deal with bullying, especially when it is happening to them and they're not seeing the 10,000 view.

If my daughter were sexually assaulted by a boyfriend or other male friend, I would not allow her to tell me I can't go to the police because she doesn't want me to make waves. This is not physical assault but it absolutely is psychological assault. Your daughter was attacked by people she thought were her friends, in a deliberately cruel and wounding way, in a team context. She doesn't have good judgment right now about the most appropriate response -- how could she? She's a teen with a forming brain, not a fully mature adult.

By deferring to her silence, you're sending a message that you won't step in as a parent and the person who loves her best in the world to help make sure that this assault is brought into the open and that it doesn't happen to her again.

If she is silent now, I am 100% sure that -- no matter how she laughs it off or otherwise puts a brave face on it in front of the team -- that she will be a target of these bitchy, cruel girls again, because she's not showing that she's stronger and rising above -- she's showing that she will be silent and take whatever they dish out without fighting back.

And she is reinforcing to the bystanders that it's best to go along with the bullies, that bullying won't be stopped, and that they should be silent because they might be next. They're not going to step in to nip it in the bud or help her out the next time these cruel girls come after her.[/quote]

+1.  I would tell my daughter I'm going to tell the coach (be up front about it) but I wouldn't let her talk me out of it.  [/quote]

If I were the daughter I would never tell you anything again. Ever. [/quote]

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