Reply to How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why send the kids away this week? Why not BE WITH them?

Why don't you share your inheritance?  I shared my inheritance, so I'm not richer than my spouse.[/quote]

Can you answer this, OP?[/quote]

Not sure what you mean (this is OP, haven’t been on today, not sure who other posters are talking about but many women with personal net worth choose to work and especially in nonprofit environments - there are 2 in similar situations in my office alone.  Also think some of you don’t understand the definition of troll.. ??)

I share with him in that I paid off his loans and bought the home we live in in cash in both our names (essentially giving him 500k). Our wills are detailed, but the inherited accounts would go largely to my children with him and my brother (who inherited an equal amount and manages it similarly) as co-trustees. It’s family money I didn’t earn and if something happened to me and he were to remarry etc, I’d want it to go to my children. He has no issue at all with that. Our salaries and dividends from inheritance are deposited into a joint account.
[/quote]

So you are blessed to have a job that is really a hobby? And you think that working out of home rather than staying at home with your kids is a decision that everyone should make in similar situation to yours? The right decision, the not lazy decision? Me thinks you protest too much. You outsource all of your kids care, you outsource housekeeping. Are your kids truly better off this way? Maybe. I do know that this is really helping people you pay to help with your kids and chores, as they benefit from this income, to them there is no decision about SAH or not, they are grateful that you pay them so they can put food on their table. The high and mighty attitude shows how clueless you are about the reality of life and work for most people in the US and around the world. Very, very few people have the money to afford your lifestyle, and yet what you choose to do here is climb a pedestal and preach to the "masses." Maybe take a trip to a poor country and ask the mom who carries her baby on her back, and then goes to an ally to prostitute herself for food, is she proud to be a working mom. But she is a working mother I admire, that I have seen with my own eyes. You, on the other hand, I pity. Not because you work, not because you have money, but because of what your attitude is and the fact that with all that wealth you are utterly blind and deaf to even pause for a second and see why do you need to judge other people. To most people WOH or SAH is a choice made out of financial necessity, not privilege. You have no business telling anyone what they should feel guilty or not about, you literarily work for fun and have all the help you need to be lazy for this one week. When other working spouses have a week off, they have million chores to do, and can't laze around the pool and hence feel guilty.[/quote]

This is hard to unpack, but I'll try, I guess, though it seems like a futile endeavor (this is OP).

1 - not sure what you mean by a 'hobby job.'   My job is flexible and pays less than I could afford if I didn't have the inheritance, but I don't feel comfortable not working (example for my little kids, use of education my parents paid for, vast contribution to the world through my org's mission etc).  If I didn't have this job, I'd get another one.  Do you mean working but not out of financial necessity?  I don't consider the inheritance my money to live off of, and I don't want my husband to shoulder all the income-producing as long as I'm an able-bodied adult.  I'd also like to be able to pay for education / retirement etc for my children, or at least provide significantly towards it.

2 - Of course I see my privilege (though nursing my mother through cancer wasn't exactly a privilege).  No one is comparing anyone to a young mother whoring herself i an alley to feed her baby....?

3 - I "outsource housekeeping?"  I have deep cleaners once every two weeks, and that's it.  My husband and I split all the laundry, meal prep, dishes, day-to-day cleaning, garbage, etc.

4 - Yes, my younger child is in full-time care, usually from about 8-5 daily.  I work, so I need him cared for.  Missing the issue there... ??  My older child is in elementary school and an hour of aftercare a day.  He's obsessed with camp and would go there on weekends if he could.  He's an active, normal 7 year old who wants to be playing sports with friends.

I was actually legitimately asking how people are able to relax in this situation.  The responses that really fascinated me were those who said their husbands would work like this regardless of what they did - my husband is NOT that type (he's a work to live not live to work kind), so I didn't even think of it.  I never said that I wasn't in a privileged position or wasn't very blessed in many aspects of my life.[/quote]

[b]If I were you I would only feel Guilty about not spending much time with my kids and having the little one in full time day care. I also work FT and this is what I feel Guilty about. You should have spent time with your kid/s instead of going to the pool.[/b] I would never feel
Guilty about towards my DH for taking a week off...[/quote]

Huge +1.[/quote]

Op here - I work full-time now. My job is flexible but I am on duty during normal work hours. How can I not have him in full-time care? Or do you mean just this week in particular?

Would you say the same to a stay at home mommy who has a kid in preschool?[/quote]

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