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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Was it the Love Languages book? I couldn't be bothered to read it either when my DH suggested it. All he wanted to do was drive home the point that "touch" is his "language" -- whatever the book would have said was my language wouldn't have mattered so I couldn't be bothered. He just wanted ammunition to use to force me to have sex.[/quote]

No. It was "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski. 
https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090

I thought it was very insightful about women's sex drives -- talking about brakes, gas, and responsive desire. I don't know whether or not it would have ultimately helped our sex life, but the fact that my wife couldn't be bothered to make even this minimal level of non-sexual effort was really hurtful to me. [/quote]

I'm a bit behind on this thread, but I am a DW and we definitely hit a low point in our sex life at one point when our kids were young but want to encourage you because we were able to get in a much better spot.  It never got as bad as your situation but my DH would have conversations letting me know that it just wasn't working for him and I would get emotional and feel like a failure as a wife.  I would really try to just 'fake it until we make it,' but I just couldn't sustain it.  I finally saw how hard it was hitting my DH and I decided to do something and just telling myself to go for it more often just wasn't enough.  So I read a lot of books and this one is one of the best ones out there.  I had my DH read it, too.  From a very vanilla sex background, I also stepped out a bit and found certain things that helped me get more interested (alcohol, erotic literature, fantasy/ role play have all been helpful for me) and we now are much more deliberate about when (yes, we unsexily schedule it which has really helped) and I know that I've got the day to get my mind in the mood.  We just came off of a marathon of seven straight days - which I would have found unthinkable a few years ago.

But unless your wife really wants to do something about this, it's not going to change.  It took a lot of work on my part and a lot of time.  And it also took a lot of understanding from DH as he's bent over backwards to do anything that I thought might be helpful (books, role play, extra load at home so I could decompress in the evening, etc.).  [/quote]

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