Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Men talk to women sitting alone in public. Women who are sitting alone might as well have a big "OPEN" sign over their heads. Do you know what it's like to be a woman who goes to a bar at happy hour and sits alone, at the bar, with a drink and a book? You can't read that book. It doesn't even matter if you're not particularly attractive. At least one man will approach you and try to strike up a conversation.[/quote]

I am a woman and a new poster. Why on earth would any person (man or woman) go to a bar or coffee shop or public place if he or she doesn't want to interact with people? The definition of a public place is a place where people interact with each other. If you do not want anyone to talk to you, then stay home or in your office or take your coffee to a private place or sit in your car. I am a 40-something fairly attractive woman and have had men (and women) strike up conversations with me in public since I was about 13 years old. Sure, it took me a few years to learn to shut down unwanted flirting, but if I am in public then people are going to talk to me. This is not a difficult concept to pick up. If I want to be left alone, I stay at home! If I want to interact with people, I go to a bar or coffee shop! I really cannot understand women who spend hours in public places by choice and then complain about people talking to them. [/quote]

I'm the poster you're responding to.

Fine, you don't like the coffee shop or bar example. I personally find sitting in such a place and enjoying a drink of some kind while reading to be relaxing and mellow. Your mileage may vary, obviously. In my experience, however, a woman sitting alone somewhere - anywhere - is an open invitation in a way that a man sitting alone just isn't. This has happened to me at airports, while sitting by myself near the gate waiting to board. It's happened to me in line at the grocery store. It's happened to me in the elevator of my office building. In my observation, that sort of thing doesn't happen to men. The last time I was at a bar alone with a book (which in your view means I should expect to be talked to) waiting for a friend to join me for happy hour, there was a man sitting a few seats away, also by himself. In the 30 minutes I was waiting for my friend, two men approached me. Zero people of any sex approached the man sitting alone.

As for complaining about people talking to them, I guess we will just have to disagree. Being in public doesn't mean that you are open to all public interactions. Yes, you can just shut it down, and it's not a difficult concept to pick up. I learned the same lessons you did as a teenager. My point is that if the men of the world would consider that maybe that woman sitting alone or that teenage girl on the bus or whoever does not want to talk to them and then decided NOT to try to strike up a conversation with a strange woman, that would also address the problem.

At the end of the day, because we live in a social environment, yes, I expect people to talk to other people in public. But the attitude of a lot of men is that women should be flattered that they are getting attention, that women who are uncomfortable with strangers talking to them in public are damaged or overly sensitive, etc. is pretty entitled imho. [/quote]

I'm the same poster, responding back. Ok, I can see that men don't get spoken to at the same rate as women in public, and that's not fair. My mom's favorite saying was "Life is not fair" so maybe I'm too accepting of life's iniquities?

Can I ask though, how you can find sitting in a public space reading both relaxing and a source of constant harassment at the same time? Is it the physical space, interior decoration, drink selection, etc that you enjoy, but minus any people? Maybe it's because I can't concentrate in public and do all my work at home or office that I can't relate to this feeling of constant harassment? I'm really curious why I seem to feel so differently than most of the women posting.[/quote]

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