Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Men talk to women sitting alone in public. Women who are sitting alone might as well have a big "OPEN" sign over their heads. Do you know what it's like to be a woman who goes to a bar at happy hour and sits alone, at the bar, with a drink and a book? You can't read that book. It doesn't even matter if you're not particularly attractive. At least one man will approach you and try to strike up a conversation.[/quote]

I am a woman and a new poster. Why on earth would any person (man or woman) go to a bar or coffee shop or public place if he or she doesn't want to interact with people? The definition of a public place is a place where people interact with each other. If you do not want anyone to talk to you, then stay home or in your office or take your coffee to a private place or sit in your car. I am a 40-something fairly attractive woman and have had men (and women) strike up conversations with me in public since I was about 13 years old. Sure, it took me a few years to learn to shut down unwanted flirting, but if I am in public then people are going to talk to me. This is not a difficult concept to pick up. If I want to be left alone, I stay at home! If I want to interact with people, I go to a bar or coffee shop! I really cannot understand women who spend hours in public places by choice and then complain about people talking to them. [/quote]

Women have a right to be out in the world.  To put us in a position where we must accept all social interactions from everyone in a public space or stay at home is to tell us that our bodies and attention and time belong to others unless we cloister ourselves away from the world.

I would like to walk in the world without doing emotional labor for others - I would like to dress as I please without having to worry whether I am too slutty or inviting someone to touch me, I would like to sit in a public restaurant and work without having to entertain others, I would like to be able to ignore or say no to others who interact with me without having to do the emotional labour of having to calculate what is the Goldilocks no (not too soft, not too hard).  In short, I would like to walk freely in the world.  [/quote]

I'm the PP you are responding to. I do not accept all social interactions from everyone, nor do I feel I am doing emotional labor for others. I'm friendly to friendly people, and if someone is talking to me in a way I don't like- male or female-I don't have a problem being unfriendly. I am not in the least bit worried about hurting the feelings of some random jerk I will never see again.

I do see public space as by definition space in which I will interact with other people. Like any group of people on earth, some of them will be nice and some will be jerks, some will be chatty and some loners, some will be attracted to me and some won't. If I don't feel like interacting or dealing with a random sampling of human nature, I stay home in solitary splendor or hang out with family and friends whose personalities and behavior I know and enjoy. And I don't feel cloistered at all.

It is interesting that so many women feel so differently though, and it makes me wonder why I am different. [/quote]

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