Reply to Teach Me to Raise an "Upper-Middle Class" Child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Given that this is the money and finance forum, I am surprised at how few responses are focused on money management.

I have been around UMC from a variety of cultures and one thing they all seem to have in common is careful husbandry of resources.  There are a few things they won't skimp on--books, education, and travel are typical--but otherwise purchases are made carefully weighing costs vs. benefits.  (This may not be the case with the newly rich.)

Children often are taught to manage money through an allowance.  Usually this is not tied to chores--those are things you do because you are a member of the family and you are supposed to pull your weight.

Rather, regular allowances are given to teach children how to weigh costs vs. benefits in terms of what they spend. Usually, it is not particularly generous. Allowance is never withheld for any reason, including as a disciplinary measure.  (This could change in later years if a substance abuse problem is suspected. )

Clear rules about what the allowance is supposed to cover are set up front.  Children are strongly encouraged to save part of their allowance, and many families encourage a portion be set aside for donations.  For example, if the child is given five dollars a week, the recommendation may be to save $1 and contribute $1 as a donation.

The allowance is a valuable UMC tool for teaching both careful spending and the obligation to help those who are less fortunate. 
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I agree with this. Is this UMC specific because the wealthy are never taught to live within particular means, and the poor don't have enough money to know how to manage it, much less teach their children how to do so?[/quote]
I think it probably is a UMC thing. UMC people are rich, but they work for their income...so they are very aware of how they got it. People who are wealthy via passive income have a different relationship to their money, and people who are not rich usually have short-term practical concerns that make ideal money management more difficult.

I'm the PP who said that a UMC kid would never insist that they should be allowed to buy something just because it's cheap, and I maintain this is true. I never realized it before, but I've always had a strange reaction to people who are well-off who make those kinds of arguments...and I realize it's completely a class thing. My family has always had enough money (or at least always projected that they did), so something being cheap is irrelevant. From forever, we were taught to make decisions about money based on need and value. Not whether we have enough to buy X. I wouldn't even say "taught". It's what my parents did, and so it's what I learned. IME, people who have imbibed spending decisions that are made entirely by budget rather than value and need tend to get locked into golden handcuffs more easily. At least, that's what I observed among my college friends who went into high paying careers. The ones who grew up decidedly UMC were able to walk away from their jobs when they wanted to...those who didn't were more likely to have not saved.[/quote]

Actually, in my experience, the generationally wealthy do teach their children how to preserve wealth through careful spending so that the money can be passed on to the next generation.

I once lived overseas where the expat community was small and close.  Among our numbers was a woman with a recognizable last name who had a trust fund likely in the mid eight figures.  (She was overseas doing charitable work.) We were visiting a British friend of UMC background (her father had been a judge) who had just had a baby and was living in straightened circumstances.  She was very concerned about her money situation with the new baby.  The first thing trust fund lady asked British lady was about her budget.  When the latter said she had never made a budget in her life, trust fund lady was truly shocked.[/quote]

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