Reply to Van Lifer couple camping in Utah national park - two weeks later fiancee arrives in FL alone

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[quote=Anonymous]What I don't understand is three-fold

1) IF he is guilty, why go BACK to the van at all?  Cut yourself and make everyone think you are also gone and disguise yourself and get on busses and walk towards mexico.

2) IF he is guilty, why go home at all???  You need mommy and daddy to get in trouble too? Let them think you were kidnapped and are innocent! Let them have that peace in their lives.

3) IF he is guilty, why did it take him FIVE days just to get to Illinois to use the unknown credit card -- a one day drive?  Something doesn't add up on this trumped up charge.  He has enough money to offer $200 cash for a hitchhiking ride but then doesn't have enough money for gas to get home?  And spends $1000 at a gas station???

This has taught me three things

1) There needs to be a reason for people who commit crimes to come clean to the police immediately.  For instance, first-time murderers can only be charged with 2nd degree murder if they come to the police of their own accord within 24-hours of the murder and cooperate fully with a max and min sentence of 15 years.  The police cannot be on the opposite side of the lawyer.  The lawyer needs to be able to say -- go the police right now -- that's your best shot to get out before you are 40 and have a life.

2)  There needs to be open training about domestic violence. Schools talk about drugs and sexual harassment but there is nothing about DV and kids graduate with no idea about what is okay or not. After this incident, I looked back at my relationships and I had a guys who always squeezed my arms so tight that I bruised -- no one would notice because it was the top of my arms but he would always shake it off that he just didn't realize how strong he was -- and would always grab me by both the wrists when I irked him so I couldn't move.  I really thought nothing about it and in the end, the only reason we broke up was that he was lecturing me about his religion all the time.  I now see how close I was to being in this same situation.   We really need more education.

3) There needs to be an outlet for anger.  There really isn't in our society.  We teach our children to only talk about and not show their feelings, to control their anger and not show it, to just count to 10 until it goes away, etc.  But I cannot believe it is healthy.  I was once cheated on multiple times in a very humiliating and public way (by a different guy) and I broke every single plate in my house.  And then I was crying, so ashamed that I had acted out violently, because our society says that I should have acted "maturely" and quietly and dealt with my feeling without any outburst. I have come to realize that it is unrealistic and all we are doing is creating pent up anger.  There needs to be healthier ways to get it out -- maybe plate smashing clubs where you can go and throw plates against a wall -- it really does feel good (and it would be a lot better if you then didn't have to feel guilty about it but it was accepted).[/quote]

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