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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]    OP here. So now that his move out date is imminent, he's been saying things like "You know I haven't completely given up on us. I still hope we can work things out and this separation will provide clarity."

What do I do with that? I mean, my first choice would be to save my marriage, but I don't want to prolong this insanity. He'd have to do so many things, and I'm not sure he has it in him.

full disclosure, i have not read everything but I have btdt.

Still have him move out. Don't close the door to reconciliation. He needs to live with the consequences of his actions.

No doubt the OW is a mess and he is starting to realize that, make him live it. He needs to decide regardless of you and the children that OW is not his soul mate. After he does ... and he will, he has 6 months of no contact with the OW and individual counseling to figure out why he uses affairs to "fix his internal issues". Let him try to recommit himself to being a person that does the right thing in the face of an imperfect world.

Then you can open discussion about whether you want to reconcile.

Either way your kids get a better man as a father. [/quote]

OP here.  thanks.  You are right.  I know you are right.  He moves out this week.  I think the last year of uncertainty has been really hard, and the idea of more uncertainty is really unappealing.  But I know at the end of the day, I need to just live with this uncertainty and take it as it comes.  I think I'm going to do the 180 - basically no contact other than transactional stuff regarding the children.  I'm going to focus on myself, immerse myself in this new life, and take each day as it comes.  Right now, I do still have a great desire to have my family back, but NOT with the person my husband has been this past year.  If he makes changes and wants to return, I'll see where I'm at.  Time will tell, I suppose.

[b]I still do fantasize about confronting the other woman and scratching her eyeballs out.[/b]  I mean, what kind of person tells a married man she's in love with him??  At least when I asked my husband if he feels like he could ever trust her in a relationship, knowing that she basically put herself out there, offering herself up to a married man, he looked stunned.  Shockingly, the man had never thought through the implications of her moral compass and what it might mean for her suitability in a longterm relationship.  He even admitted that he'd probably have a hard time trusting her.  Good.  They deserve each other. [/quote]

This is very normal to have that thought but it can be insidious and hurtful to your own spirit. You get a few months of this but you should read about mindfulness.

When an ugly thought enters your brain (you can't control that but you can control what you do with that thought), imagine walking down the street and that thought is a stranger approaching. You can nod, say hi, shake their hand or just walk right past. Once that stranger is behind you just keep walking and say goodbye to that thought and enjoy the rest of what you see in front of you.[/quote]

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