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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am 29, female. Have been dating a 32 year old man for 4 months, so it is still very new but given our ages and frequency of seeing each other, it's starting to get serious.
He disclosed to me at the very beginning that he has an 11 year old daughter that lives in California with her mother.  I didn't ask too many questions at first, but as time goes on, I feel more comfortable sort of 'getting the whole story' without being nosey. 
He was 21, new gf 'messed up' birth control.  Gets pregnant. He is young and not expecting this.
[b]He is in the babies life for the first couple years, but not together with the gf anymore, so his visits with the baby were merely visits. After those first two years, she moves to California with the baby to be closer to her sister.

He has been out there once. They come here about once every other year. So he never sees his daughter, never talks to her.  She knows about her dad and who her dad is.  I think they skype twice a year.  He has contributed financially but that's it (has sent them $3.5k/ month since infancy).  He describes it as.... Not wanting to interject into their lives.  He wasn't 'with' the mom anymore and at the age of 23 was not about to move his entire life to California to sort of 'be there' when they were already starting a new family unit. I get that.
[/b]
But, I'm just not sure what to think of this. Naive me is thinking 'WTF, that's your daughter..' And that this is a huge red flag. But mature me understands that not everything is black and white and there's lots of dynamics that I don't understand.  Part of me thinks he's being lazy - he kind of shrugs it off and almost acts like he's doing her a favor by not putting too much effort in seeing her.  I see this as a red flag. What kind of husband and father would he be now?  The other part of me knows that people grow and change and improve and I obviously can't make any assumptions, I don't know him THAT well yet.

Any words of wisdom?
[/quote]

High lighted for all the people who want to make the mother out to be some maniacal person.[/quote]

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