Reply to Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the feminists taking the stance that they are fighting/fought a toxic oppressive symbol of a bygone era: Did you wear a white dress on your wedding day?  Did your father walk you down the aisle?

Genuinely curious. [/quote]

No, and yes.  My dad didn't give my husband permission to marry me, and he didn't give me away, but he did escort me down the aisle.  Because I love my dad and knew that it would feel special to him--it was a bit of a callback to the father-daughter dances we went to when I was a girl, which both of us really enjoyed.

It can be hard navigating these things.  I don't want to fight every little thing, or have every choice be a big political statement.  And some things felt meaningful to me in a non-sexist way, and some things felt like outdated traditions.  You just feel your way through these things.  I could think of no good, non-sexist reason for me to change my name to my husband's.  But my kids have his last name because that's what we worked out--I chose their first and middle names, and named them after people in my family who meant a lot to me.  (And frankly, a lot more names sounded good with his last name than with mine.)

And some people on this thread want to call me a hypocrite.  Which, I don't think I am, but really, who cares what random strangers think?  I don't pretend like I have all the answers.  I deal with these issues as they arise, and I do the best I can, and try to make choices that feel right to me.  I think the mere fact of reflecting on this stuff, and considering the traditions and where they come from, and whether or not they have any other meaning or value, and making an active choice, is important in itself.  Women have various reasons for changing or not changing their names upon marriage, and I figure if a woman has really thought about it and what it means, then whatever choice she makes is better because of that process.  [/quote]

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