Reply to Update: New nephews not fitting into family dynamic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I remember that thread.  Glad you took some of that advice since you really do care about not offending them even at your own extended family's expense.  It's good that both you and your husband are on the same page and that the boy's night out convinced him even more.

I still say that your BIL seems to be in over his head with this new marriage--not just the two surly stepsons but his new wife who throws as many temper tantrums as her boys do.

Unfortunately, it seems that your BIL married a woman with kids who have a lot of extra baggage and who need counseling but your new SIL is in denial and would rather cause family conflict with her new husband's extended family since doing that is part of her dysfunctional background.

Not sure you can fix this.  [b]It is your BIL's problem to fix.  And he'd better try to get them into counseling; he needs to be protective of your three little nieces since their new stepbrothers are already bullying them.

And FWIW, I don't think your new SIL would have gotten through your dad's celebration without having a meltdown over the most perceived slight anyway.  She really sounds like a head case when it comes to her boys.  She was probably waiting to cut you and your DH off; it was bound to happen[/b].[/quote]

OP, please re-read the excellent perspective above. This person has it right. SIL was likely already keyed up to see ANY mention of her kids' behavior as an insult and to throw a fit over it. You were clear in the original post on this thread that SHE said to you that her boys would not enjoy the event and probably shouldn't come, but now she has conveniently forgotten that she, not you, said that. You were right to raise the issue with her because you gave her clear notice of the type of event, and it's a type that simply cannot work for these kids with the meltdowns, extreme food pickiness, etc. You did not exclude them; you told her that it likely would be a problem and she [i]agreed[/i]. As long as you and DH are on the same page here, be glad they are staying home. After the fact, when things cool down, DH might need to talk to BIL alone and somehow point out that these boys' behaviors cause concern for the welfare of the girls. But that's for another time (and probalby will end with BIL angry and in denial but at least DH will have tried to advocate for the girls who are getting bullied). Right now, be assured that everyone else in the family is delighted these kids won't be there.[/quote]

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